In chill March morning air
I rose to see the swallows
high against the orange cliffs
afloat on tiny unseen drafts
and feeding on an invisible swarm.
Not far away,
where the creek bent around
a granite face,
and the water pooled deep and clear,
brown trout rose to take small aphids
from the nearly still surface.
I come here,
even miles away and in the dark of winter nights,
return to this place, this moment -
because it lives inside of me,
because it makes me whole.
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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so what's the relationship between the poem and the title?
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There are unseen drafts of air that lift us and drafts which carry us down - these are the unseen drafts that the title refers to, not unseen drafts of old poems.
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so are these rejected stanzas from other poems, or just outtake stanzas you had written but never did anything with and just made them a poem?
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No.
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there is a lack of good poetry that speaks of nature on this site! i found this absolutely beautiful. the first stanza is awsome, i loved
high against the orange cliffs
afloat on tiny unseen drafts
and feeding on an invisible swarm.
i think the ending is just fine, there are things in life that dont need much more of a reason to exist other than the fact that they are a part of us.
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To tell you the truth I thought this one was full of color as most of yours are, but was, unfortunately, predictable. Also, what did you mean by "invisible swarm?" Was there a cloud of insects that we, humans, couldn't see? Not sure.
Al in all, though, a fine effort.
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This surprised me in that it seemed very different from what I am used to reading from your works. I like the sense of detail and expression.
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Yes, excellent, nice and short, just the way I like it.
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I guess that everyone has that certain place they go to find peace and serenity. There will always be a place where they feel complete. This place sounds beautiful and peaceful, much like my place of thought and relaxation. Water has a calming grip on me. Beautiful job on this one.
becca
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We need to go back to nature often - not just to escape the urban stress, but to find the deeper healing... like in this poem. Beautifully written.
~ Nicolette
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I have a place that I like to run away to as well, for the same reasons as you—because it lives inside me; the only difference is, there are mountains there that change colors (green, orange, white, depending on the time of year), instead of orange cliffs. We all need a place like that to escape to, I think. I want to run away right now.
This is beautiful and vivid—I think I can see what you are seeing, but then again, I think I always do when you write.
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I like the imagery, and the way you write it. It sounds like a spot you'd visit, possibly as a kid or some other past time in your life, to relax - to just be.
The first stanza is throwing me off though; the other two are punctuated, while the first only has a period.
As I comment, this thought occurs: is it two show the rush of life in the first, and the punctuation helps slow it down in the last two, much like the this place must have done?
[edit: the floating comma box left out my question mark]
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