Cutting, cutting makes me feel in control
Its the only thing in my life that I know
I first started cutting when I was real young
because I wanted to die, but couldn't afford a gun
its never been an issue with me, something I tell people
It's my joy, its very fuckin personal
I don't want any Tom, Dick and Harry to know,
its about me, and how I let my evil go
I cant remember the first time exactly
I know it was my head, and I let it bleed
my face was a crimson red, like a mask
I use to get on my knees, talk to god and ask
Am I destined for hell? Should I of been born?
I can feel it, I ain't a good person, I'm the devils spawn
I have thoughts, feelings and nightmares,
dreams, and idea's that should never occur,
I ask my mum why she didn't have an abortion
she said she would, but she was busy
my fuckin mum and dad were divorcing
I feel helpless, I feel like an unwanted child,
I'm the darkness taking the light
I ain't got blood, my veins are filled with bile
so that's why I cut, why I hurt myself
cause I'm the devils son, and if I don't die
I'm going to take this entire world straight to hell
I did'nt come from Heaven, I did'nt from Jesus
I was sent up, by Satan himself
this is why I cut my wrists, and hope to bleed to death
because the world is not ready for some like me yet
Author notes
I started when I was really young like ten or eleven, I was so desperate self harm seemed like a way out for me, thirteen years now, and sometime I can go months, or times, its hours, my bodies covered in scares, I'm scared for anyone to see whats under my clothes, my wrists, legs, arms, chest are covered.
However im greedy these are mine, I believe I have to punish myself, better hurt myself than hurt someone else, whatever scares ive got at the end of the day there mine.
I once thought I was over hurting myself because there was something wrong, however I know now, people hurt themselfs all the time, overeating, over drinking, smoking, drugs,
For me, I hurt myself because if I dont keep that beast in somethings bad will happen, something really bad
A contest entry
- Self-Mutilators: United & Exposed by Hovels 3.
1242 points, ended March 26, 20 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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incredible!!!
wow a lot of times i dont like reading poetry about cutting. but for somereason i read this poem and wow. its kind of funny how we can feel so alone in the world and then we see something that remids us otherwise.
thats what your poem did for me.
thank you. =D -
I completely understand you! Its hard, and cutting isn't always the answer, but we certainly do have those things that get in our way of happiness. Best of luck to you and great job!
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very moving
can feel your pain, but really do not understand it, keep writing, perhaps words can become your passion and help you heal inside and you
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You express yourself very well. It's a shame that the other way you express yourself might cause you harm one day. The poem moved me. Your words are powerful. You can be powerful without hurting yourself hun. You deserve better.
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This reminds me of myself
like its perfect
i know what your going
thourgh when i first stated cutting
i was ten.
And still do it
Its hard to get past it
And i hope you will!
Great write!
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I have read poems about self-harm and people's explanation usually is about not liking themselves. Like thinking they're this evil thing. And hurting themselves makes them feel like they're punishing themselves for being this horrible breast. I get that impression in your poem, but there is a little twist also. It's like a there is a cross between self-righteous/egoistic suicide and Altruistic suicide in your poem. In one hand, you hurt yourself to keep the breast within in control; your anger, those emotions that might produced bad actions, and things like that. That’s altruistic suicide, when you sacrifice your own life… in this case, well-being for the safety of others. That’s very noble of you. On the other hand, I get this, “I’m special” vibe too. Like self-harm is your way of making yourself feel special. “This is just about me and my self-harming. That’s it! No one else can understand and even if they did, I refuse to let them in. This is my tomb.” Which is basically, an egoistic suicide. When one kills themselves because they feel that out of place in society. But, of course in your case, it’s not about killing. It’s about feeling so out of society that in a way you feel special. I also get this domineering impression from your poem. Like you get a kick out of controlling your breast.
I like this poem a lot because it really shows how demented we can be. How twisted our emotions and thoughts can be. How twisted self-harm can be.
Also, thank you for following the rules.
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Thank you for your comments. I didnt want to do a poem about how much my life sucks, my parents dont understand me and I dont have no friends.
I wanted to try and get deeper into why self harming occurs, especially in my case. We all have a story, this is mine
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