I saw it when I left:
the patio was slippery
and wet
the shrubs untidy
overgrown;
the flight
of stairs clattered
my cold
and quick footsteps;
clattered the darkness
of the night;
clattered my freezing
pulse
trembling in the Hand
clasping
my tortured breast
where is the light?
what happened to the midnight
strolls
the whispers in nocturnal
bliss
the safe togetherness
the dreamless
rest?
why this tormenting
final stray ...
this shiverings
of sleepless
mist?
this moon away
of our moonlit bay?
myra
Author notes
...
Written March 15th, 2002
In a list
A contest entry
- The Break-up Poem by Danna Hobart.
300 points, ended October 17, 2008, 33 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 20 of 20
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What gorgeous imagery. Thank you for entering.
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Oh snagglepuss...tsk-tsk
how lovely and tender this is despite all the reference to cold and loss...
how warm those around you must be
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sounds like the unexpected meeting of a loss, something missing and a cold thing left in its place, this leaves a haunting lonely feel :)
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Thanks for reading, chasing ...
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oh lizard... that is an understatement ...
-
to howl upon that second moon
with the unrest that leaves you weary
a bit like the aniversery that you never wanted
that once a year oocurence of moon in blue
tis beautiful Myra -
very good sad words.
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Thank you Tina ... sometimes I tend to think it is only I that can feel my own pain; then I am surprised at all the empathy.
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Awwh this is so sad, but a great write! You did great on this. :)
Tina -
Thank you for reading, Mike ...
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Reality it is, my friend Mike ...
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Myra, to me, this reads very sad. You painted a very clear setting that portended what would happen and filled it with reality.
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Thanks, dearest Monk ...
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ooooooooooooohhhhh......... smooth, nice write. Wonderful control of feeling. Nice. Monk
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Thanks bonnie ... I shall visit your poems NOW!
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wow...full of aching sorrow.....i love the repetition of the word 'clattered'....everything about this piece is goooooood....
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Thank you, Birchwood, Tina ... a piece of permanent hurt.
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wow, this is beautiful & deep...
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sorry .. meant to rate it ...
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ohhh, Myra ...
That is gorgeous
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