I am contented with my place
its turbulent and swirling storms
so gripping firm my soul, to face
and let up a sigh.
The clouds so seem a bleaker mask
along the thoughts of wanton forms
I step in stride, pedestrian task
so dreaming the sigh.
I close my eyes to see her trace
the lined fabric of vestal norm
A wry grin, spread in warming lace
I let go and sigh.
And here a dreamer's dreams unmask
The waking world so lost, in swarms
of gritty swelling life to bask,
releasing a sigh.
Let me know How this makes you feel, what do you think?
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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I love this...
to sigh and even the word itself is one of my favorites, so this one caught my eye..
Gorgeous read...
Lynda
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Sighs can mean anything, to me. I've used up all the ways. You seem at first a bit melancholy, a bit down-trodden and a bit sentimental. All perfect fodder for poetry! (Sigh). Then you switch and seemed resigned- accepting, the hardest thing one may have to learn to do. You captured the effort, well, seemingly effortlessly. I don't think I would revise this! But it is your baby and for you to decide.
Blessings,
Rae
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Aside from the grammar, which seems fine, and the meter, which is also fine, I have little to comment aside from what I thought about when I read it.
One who is, as the first stanza suggests that a man can be happy with a complex way of life and thinking. While simplicity in beautiful, so too can be complexity.
The others suggest that certain things are better left in the mind, as opposed to in reality, and due to that, one can feel sorrow or resentment. While it may be a memory expressed in the poem, it seems more likely this way.
Sighs are expressed for many forms, as was implied: in happiness, in sorrow, in anger/annoyance, etc. When one sighs while thinking a past thought or of a dream, it may cause any of those emotions and more in them. To me, a sigh usually means a release of annoyance and anger and only when I am truly at peace, a sigh of contentedness. -
I feel your work is wonderful, brother. Left me in a daze of such sweetness and amazing inner thoughts.
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The last stanza's commas seem really odd. That, of course, could be intentional.
That out of the way, it's interesting and I enjoy the premise but the repetition of "sigh" seems a little weak to me. I understand the concept but it doesn't hold much power. That's just my opinion of course.
Otherwise, good poem. Well written, and the format is quite unique. -
Interesting work
I feel you have worked hard to fit your thoughts to your chosen structure - and it is almost there. In the second stanza, the last line feels uncomfortable and breaks the rhythm, similarly with the second line of the third. -
A sense of contentment verily oozes throughout this soothing verse.
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Oh, very deftly done poem here--while I don't know the name of the form it was one that was often used by Robert E. Howard, a much, much under rated poet. love it...
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