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Tainted Thirst

Dry.
An incredible thirst from my stomach to
My mouth; I have
You in my line of vision
In my thirsty
Mind’s eye
In my deranged
Over indulgent heart.
Itching from deep within

Thick clumps of saccharine venom pollute my eyes
My heart, my mind, my lips,
So cracked
So hot, so
Dry, so
Unbearable; I need something.
You are convenient.

The monster, gorged with my glucose
Saturated blood, growls.
A guttural, phlegm filled noise
I can hear lights in my sore
Sore, nebulous mind
I can feel the aftertaste
Of your heartbreak
Come to me, I’ll shout
I’ll rant, I’ll
Cry, I’ll
Vent my hyperactive monster
Until I can be there for you
You poor sane boy whom my
Gluttonous thirst wants to Imbibe.

An excruciating need to contact you arises
And in my poor suffering, poisoned Capri-sun psyche I know, I know
I know that you are no more than an illusion.

Hold back, relief as bitter medicine can fulfil my thirst
My dehydration
The cold clear liquid flowing through my arm, under my skin
Cooling my craving
Dimming my desire
Soon the supplementary solution soothes
And I fall into a regular pattern.

My thirst dimming;
My desire proving to be a swarm of syrup killer bees;
My monster curling up in the spaces of my honey reserves
Resting until the next unsteady, unstable
Burst for her awakening.

This illness, this condition, this fault in my system needs to be contained
Or I fear that this cancerous curse will cause me
To indulge in unwanted regrets
To suffer cruel consequences
To fall.

Author notes

This poem is based on my diabetes and the effects of when i have a very high blood sugar level. There are both metaphorical and literal references to the sugar and my moods. When my BSL is high, anything can set me off into utter hysterics and emotions are on a constant high. The main reason and feeling in my not so long ago illnesses was unfortunately a friend i had some trouble with.

In a list

A contest entry

What did you think

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments

1 - 7 of 7

  • MJ Forgives
    December 1
    ?
    Edit | Reply
    You did a good job on this poem. My grandmother suffers diabetes too. I hope you do well in my contest and thanks for entering. Love and Peace!
    -Jess


  • Night Terrors
    May 10

    Edit | Reply
    That is a fasinating topic. You made it sound almost like something else intirely.



    The Positives:

    A great batch of imagery and a wonderful rythme.

    Room For Improvement:
    Nothing I can see you did wonderful



    My Favorite Part:
    Hold back, relief as bitter medicine can fulfil my thirst
    My dehydration
    The cold clear liquid flowing through my arm, under my skin
    Cooling my craving
    Dimming my desire
    Soon the supplementary solution soothes
    And I fall into a regular pattern.

    That is wonderful you did amazing
    Overall:

    I give this an 9/10 you did great. I hope to see you in my future contests thanks so much for entering.

    ~*~Apathetic Poison~*~

  • abmsem
    April 19

    Edit | Reply
    My Mum has diabetes, so I roughly understand what you are talking about here. Lovely poem and description using vivid imagery. Thank you for your entry and good luck in my contest


  • PassionsPromise gold member
    April 16

    Edit | Reply
    Great job with this piece. I know all too well the outcome of either too low or too high, my mom suffers with diabetes, you did a wonderful job

    Good luck

    Passions


  • English.Muffin silver member
    April 4
    Edit | Reply
    thak you for my first gold trophy and comment

  • wecanbreatheagain
    April 4

    Edit | Reply
    this was very poetic and eloquently worded. thank you for sharing this with me and entering my contest; this shows what good poetry really is.


  • DarkShard
    March 30

    Edit | Reply
    wow i thought it was good but after reading your ans and your poem again i realised tht you were really good! eating a twister so typing with one hand is hard so ill short and to the point welcome to round 2.

1 - 7 of 7