Before we parted,
a blue and pearl
chipped oyster shell traced
across our calloused palms.
We wrote our names
inside each other
in case we got lost..
our blood drops falling
into the white foamy froth
washing over our feet.
Overhead gulls called out the
secret names of clouds
as me and Joseph-Johnny
headed off to look for our phoenix totems
in separate directions
so many years ago.
A contest entry
- India Ink by Danna Hobart.
400 points, ended April 8, 7 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
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An interesting slice of life. Thank you for entering this portrait in my contest.
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yes ty for comments. However,that wasn't meant to be an ellipses, simply a break. I believe proper usage for ellipses is when leaving out words or sentences when quoting another source. Also, I believe that it is now considered Jake to use "me" instead of the stuffy "I" in sentences nowadays. But I am glad you liked the poem.
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Beautiful take ...
on the prompt, Poet.
Suggestions:
Line 7: ellipse is three dots (lol, yeah!) following a space e.g. in case we got lost ...
Line 13: as Joseph-Johnny and I
Other than that, PERFECT!
Love
Myra
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