I did it again..
I cut myself again tonight…
it didn’t hurt..
Well not from the cuts..
The pain on the inside is killing me though..
its funny my blood…
bright red, an elegant crimson..
Flows steadily down my arm..
I lick a little bit up..
The taste..
Is saltier than usual..
I don’t know why…
once in a while I get a sweet taste…
I cry not from the pain but for the stupidity…
or rather the weakness I feel I am succumbing too…
I pick up the razor-blade wrapped in a dish cloth..
A precaution to keep from cutting my hands..
Stupid really if you think about it…
keep it from cutting my hands…
only so I can cut up my arms and my wrists…
the blood begins to turn a dark auburn brown as it begins to dry..
The blood still drying..
Is sticky it looks so fake..
I cut again…
a few more gashes more blood flows..
This time it tastes sweeter..
Take the rag and wipe up a little of the blood…
footsteps…
footsteps are coming down the stairs..
I pulls down my sleeves..
push the razor covered heap behind the screen of my computer…
smile as friendly as ever as my brother walks past…
Braddy…
I’m so sorry…
I don’t want to leave you...
but I cant deal with every ones problems any more…
I just want to scream that at him...
as he walks past me and heads back up the stairs…
but it wouldn't matter...
these problems he wouldn't try to mend...
his footsteps are gone now…
I am once again….
alone with these thoughts..
Thoughts..
I think I adore..
I think I truly live for these thoughts…
I think I like feeling this helplessness..
Although I want someone here to hold me..
Take all the pain away…
I move my arm just right..
Pain..
Pain just shoots up my arm…
I feel the tears streaming down my face...
I fight them back…
I’m not crying…
my eyes are just watering because I‘m tired...
Those aren’t tears running down my cheek..
They cant be..
I don’t cry...
that’s showing a weakness..
I don’t feel weakness..
I don’t feel..
If I keep telling that to myself maybe I can believe it…
maybe…
I wont have to deal with it any more…
the blood flows faster now…
I’m so cold…
my fingers feel like ice…
make it stop I beg you..
Make it all go away…
I go into the kitchen…
a hand full of his pills..
That should do it…
that should take care of it…
I’m feeling a little drowsy now…
I walk into my room…
lie on my bed…
for once no thoughts enter my head..
It is empty..
Nothing I see when I close my eyes…
in my bed alone as I die…
Maybe..
Just maybe if I would have said something...
when my brother walked by..
Just maybe I wouldn’t have died…
maybe he wouldn’t have had to bury me so soon…
Not that he cares...
not even not...
but still now I pass alone in my room…
Author notes
For Braddy, who should have known better.
(Also entered in 'Dying is The Latest Fasion' contest : 'Just an Evil Thought', 'Get Up, Get Lost, Get Out, Go Die', 'Till I Die', and 'Cuts')
A contest entry
- Emotionally Destroyed by xXemo-teddybearXx.
400 points, ended April 2, 77 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Dying Is The Latest Fasion by SoundsOfSilence.
800 points, ended April 5, 60 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Give me your best. by abmsem.
1000 points, ended April 27, 171 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Thoughts....
Comments
-
The structure is confusing and not very ordered, but I don't think it matters because it represents the confused and frustrated content of the poem. I really liked it. I know what it feels like to have all this going through your head and you explained it well. Thanks for entering and good luck
-
This is really well written, more like a diary entry then anything else. A lot like the poems I write.
I can sadly relate to this, way to well...But this is really good, and it is added to the finalists list.
Thank you very much for your entry.
~~Kit -
i loved this
great job
thankyou for entering my contest
goodluck
xXalyXx
his emo teddybear
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