Fiery beads burn
through my hands
into my soul pulsating
Gripping and tightly grasp
one for one
one by one
then two be gone…
Fingers in prayers for my heart
overheats too many emotions
too many pains
too many desires
one for one
one by one
then four be gone…
Feel the healing,
bead into beat for the one next
Strung chain of prayers begin
my search completing
My being becoming fully indexed
one for one
one by one
then eight be gone...
Interchanging fragile beads
product of crystallized tears
Finding a rhythm
as my new Rosary becomes
strong during future years.
one for one
one by one
then sixteen be gone…
Beats steering the causeless
when a finger embraces
the essence of their beading
Freeing chained hearts
to fly and soar free
into beautiful peaceful wholeness
one for one
one by one
until they all are gone…
A contest entry
- Prewrites by sideways hourglass.
400 points, ended March 22, 35 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - round one; your best prewrite. by August Starlight.
765 points, ended March 21, 93 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Calling Out Prayer Warriors... by Denerica.
900 points, ended April 4, 12 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - ~*~*~Your absolute Best~*~*~ by Night Terrors.
550 points, ended March 26, 40 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Best Prewrites! by movedon.
1750 points, ended May 8, 363 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
-
I pictured the beads color fading from the fingers for persistant praying being done with them, I loved the not giving up, and ending it knowing there is victory, thank you for entering, very much enjoyed. Blessings.
-
I thought you had some very cool images that represented abstract ideas well.
"bead into beat for the one next
Strung chain of prayers beginning
my searching completing
My being becoming fully indexed"
-I liked this.
Suggestion for improvement (take it or leave it): you have a lot of gerunds (words ending in "ing") - the sound of "ing" jarrs in the reader's mind when it is repetitive. Perhaps look for other ways to convey your ideas.
Otherwise, I enjoyed this. -
-
Hi, thanks for the comment. You are right, for I too felt the same about the gerunds.. in the first instance I thought it would create a feeling of actually moving... flowing down the chain of beads, and after reading it I thought ok, maybe the ING is INGING in my ears now
At that stage it helped to keep a consistant meter as well as make it flow smoothly. I appreciate the comment, and will relent to your advice. Thanks a lot and good luck judging,
Lilian
-
-
I expected this to be super religious when I first clicked on it and I was surprised (in a good way) that it wasn't overly and extremely religious. You've got amazing lines, rhyme, and repetition. Thank you for entering the contest and good luck.
-
Work of Art indeed
I like the last line as well. rleaseing pain on by one one pain after another pain until the pain is no more. What an awesome concept with the rosary beads I really enjoyed reading this thank you for sharing!
-
" one for one
one by one
until they are all gone"..
a work of art is this poem lili...i have always enjoyed the idea of the rosary..counting, accepting, and then releasing our pains..our "sins", our selves...the process of growth and renewal..
the line "fingers in prayers for my heart" resonated deeply within me, as it is only when my fingers are occupied in some act of creation that i truly feel my soul shining through in silent prayer to the universe...
someone told me once that idle hands do the devil's work, and since then, they have never been still..constant creation being the only recourse against acts of constant destruction...
"one for one..one by one.."
-
I don't know why but I was able to hear a familiar clacking noise as the fingers ran through the beads. thank you for entering the contest.
Adding your comment:
1 - 7 of 7
