You are a dream
behind closed eyes I see,
between night and day
where you awaken me;
We make love next to the stars
on their velvet bed we are one,
a place along the Milky Way
reminisce of where we begun;
Though a dream, I pinch myself
not surprised I still feel the pain,
for soon the sun will steal you away
the moon reminds, drives me insane
You are a dream, behind closed eyes I see,
between night and day, where you awaken me,
Still…...
Author notes
pow theme - a love lost
A contest entry
- Poem of the Week - POW - by Bear by Arkbear.
1150 points, ended March 8, 2009, 9 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Look Here ! by tears.of.silence.
400 points, ended March 14, 2009, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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How beautiful. Sad, but beautiful.. I loved the way it told such a wonderful story. What exactly would you like to be in my family? Welcome to the family and thanks for entering the contest. kahy
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!!!!wowzer!!!^_^
wow this is one of my fav poems...i had to read it twice!!(i'm thinking about reading it agin) this was lovely....much good luck on the contest!!!!
verry nice!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Enjoyable Read
This is s very lovely work indeed well written. I also like your use of imagery you have a nice cadence throughout this work I simple love the title “Still” I also love the line” for soon the sun will steal you away.” What an intense line. My heartfelt thank you for this most wondrous post. I also wish you good luck in this contest…again very enjoyable read.
Lady E
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that was good i liked the essence of a dream that it gives! its very magical!
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Hello Stranger
*a place along*...too many spaces after *place*
*I pinch*....too many spaces after *I*
*I still*....too many spaces after *I*
Over-all....a lovely write....but you will see on my scoreboard where your Theme is going to get hit hard...let's move right to it, thank you for entering....nice to see you again
.....good luck & God bless,Bear -
Title 5.5....you have not given me any reason to click on this Title from a Readers point of view when searching Poems -
Flow 9.15....good Flow....your word choices did hamper your Tone & Flow a tad-
Depth 9.15.. depth is okay...I feel there is more *SHOW* than *Show AND Tell*...a tad broken in thought.....for me -
Theme 4.95....a nice Theme ...just waaay too common for the PO' Contests ....we are searching for creative and unsual Themes -
Feelings 9.05...dramatic ....lovely visuals -
Grammar 9.45.. nice grammatical choices....a tad simple, but Very Poetic...very pretty -
Presentation 9.0...not a fan of all the same length S*'s.....creates a huuummmmm Tone....vs....oooOOOooooOOOOooooOOOOooo....see what I mean? -
Uncommonness...4.55..most common Theme I believe, and...the balance of * Show & Tell* are off slightly -
Sit & Ponder Affect 7.90...I did ponder...briefly -Ability to follow Rules 10.0..I will accept the greyish background from Poets who are not fmailiar with how to get the white background.....go to *edit background*....click on it.....go to top box of colors( unless you are only a Free Member)....click on it....change to white
....no deductions this time -Bears Score: 78.7
Not bad.....the more you join me, the more your scores are going to soar!
Bring mr creative Themes and pen them wisely.....and I will see you in the top 6 spots soon......it does not take long for great Poets like yourself to catch on to what I look for here.....you have the talent....let me see it!
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Such a creative way to portray the change of clock time. Very light hearted and a touch of funny. You did real well with this one.
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This is another creative write!
We don't change our clocks here!
Best wishes in the contest and always!
Write on...
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Haha- nice write. Some of it was such beautiful imagery, and the rest just made me laugh and smile. Nice handling of the topic. I enjoyed it. Blessings!
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Working over time when you ar too tired to pay attention any how
This can reall get a guy when all he wants is a little peace and quiet...mac
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