Last night I had a dream,
The sun shone down on me,
Casting the shadows of my doubts,
Onto the asphalt they were black,
Reflecting my contempt for the world around me,
The building I was in had the brightest lights,
And my shadow was obliterated,
An invisible force took my eyes and blinded me,
Until I saw the future of the world...
Fuck your culture, fuck your people,
Let this world burn with my insanity,
Fuck your culture, fuck your people,
Let this world burn with my insanity
I saw men and women interacting,
The sun shone even brighter,
So bright that I had no shadow,
The knife in my back was gone,
As was my contempt for the world around me,
Finally I felt happiness fill my soul,
The husk of my body came alive again,
And I lived for the very first time in 10 years,
Innocence restored, peace had finally come...
Fuck your culture, fuck your people,
Let this world burn with my insanity,
Fuck your culture, fuck your people,
Let this world burn with my insanity
I phased out of the utopia,
And I froze at the sight before me,
A barren hell was in front of me,
The screams of distant victims resonating in my mind,
Fire came up from the ground,
Scorching my feet,
The angel behind me whispered in my ear,
"You humans created this..."
Fuck your culture, fuck your people,
Let this world burn with my insanity,
Fuck your culture, fuck your people,
Let this world burn with my insanity
Author notes
u s e f u l - i d i o t
- Do not judge me group list • next in list
A contest entry
- When Dreams Come True by LovelyLauren.
1050 points, ended March 6, 2009, 18 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Prewite Contest by Comatose--X.
475 points, ended April 2, 2009, 94 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 22 of 22
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Hmmm, I'm going to have to say that with this piece I agree with ChLeN11 about the cursing. The rest of it was simply amazing, dark, and full of emotion. The repitition of 'fuck your culture, fuck your people, ' didn't really hit as hard as all the other lines did - my favorite line being where the angel whispered; caused chills. A wonderful write. Great job, hon.
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OMG, yeah, this is a fucked up world. amazing imagery and style, i like the cussing but maybe a comma or something after world and burn or something, idk. it just kinda sounds off. but everything else was pretty much god awesome.
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wow here, again.
your images give chills.
i feel that cursing dilutes the raw essence of fantasticness(*) that you created here.
"Finally I felt happiness fill my soul,
The husk of my body came alive again,
And I lived for the very first time in 10 years,
Innocence restored, peace had finally come..."
this is writing. right here. the repetition of fuck your culture in those stanzas evokes nothing emotional from the soul. because we all know what it means, but we don't feel it.
your images make everything magic -
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I'm glad that this piece satisfied you in the way that it did.
Since my freeverse poems are mostly meant to be lyrics for genres such as heavy metal, sometimes I'll add some cuss words for a little bit of vulgarity. Something done just for the hell of it.
But I might try to keep the cussing out of the lyrics, since you have inspired me
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I disagree with comments below...I didn't feel the poet
was writing this particularly against cultures...
but I read it as
the corruption, greed, and injustice of the world...
and we certainly are seeing that evidenced on the
daily news all across the world....
I thought there was a tenderness to it...
dark and rich
textured very cleverly......
and BOLDLY TO SHOCK AND OPEN
Apathetic minds....
the poet said, you humans created this...
and pointed to hell...
and as we all know the saying goes:
"heaven or hell...is truly what we make it!"
perhaps it was the fuck word
that upset them.
I thought it was...purpose impact
...and much more is inside
you...i can feel it screaming to come out...
may you never fear your pen and ink
and let each word slowly bleed it out.
ears/Seattle
believe me...i've done my sharing of bleeding
on this site..just ask JFD!
whew!
(I've danced with the devil a time or two...
believe me...he doesn't know how to LEAD!)
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I'm going to get back on top of myself and start commenting on my friends poems.
Thanks a lot for reading it, every time you leave a comment it really makes me feel like I've accomplished something with my piece.
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That was very insensitive. You should like all cultures. This is very selfish.
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I like all cultures, I have no problem with them. What I refer to in this poem is the standards that people live by, that fact that we passively kill with no regret, the fact that we hurt other people without remorse, the fact that we the people are evil.
People lie, canive, scheme, and criticize without even giving it a second thought. People judge by how much money another person makes, the clothes they wear, or even the kind of music they listen to.
America is a pleasure based country that only revolves around sex, food, and drugs. We will end up destroying not only our country, but the world if we keep going.
I hope that helps clear up the meaning, I apologize that it was misconstrued. Thanks for taking the time to read it, though. -
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Ok, thanks for clearing it up.
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no problem. I hope that I was able to help you gain a new appreciation for this piece
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i love it
Favorite lines:
"Fuck your culture, fuck your people,
Let this world burn with my insanity,
Fuck your culture, fuck your people,
Let this world burn with my insanity"
Thank you for entering and good luck in the contest -
• if you would please space your name out in your AN like this : X x D r o w n . M e . D r y X x . Just out a space between each of your letters. Please. If you chose not to thats fine but i would like you you give me a reason.
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This has a kind of brutal honesty to it that I love. You just capture so much in this. I'd list all the parts I like but I'd have to list most of the poem. The repetitive stanza and the second to last top my list though. A wonderfully honest write.
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Aaah, very well done. Brutally honest. I admire that. (fuck I still have to get out of my weird 'polite' way of commenting, ap grows on you) but I honestly love your work! Thanx for sharing.
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wow
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that was amazing actually, im sincerly impressed, really nice job
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Wow, I like this. I think you did a great job, and its very deep and...just wow, man.
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thank you
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This was powerful and lovely it shows how humanity has created our own pain, our own hell. Or maybe i am reading into it to much. None the less this sent me flying into thoughts about the world around me. simple wonderful.
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Wow, very powerful write. It sucks you in from start to finish. Great job!
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This poem is quite powerful. I love what the angel says at the end. It gave me chills. Great job, and thanks for entering my contest.
hugs,
Lauren
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yayyy
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