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Milky-Way Horizons

 


The Sun sets idly, Night awaits her flair,
Milky-Way horizons, stars doctrinaire.

 

Curiosities arise out of blades of grass,
Giving birth to a love destined to last.

 

Warm air waltzes, nocturnal chill,
Haunting mists controlling my will.

Inglorious Moon floats on the haze,
Dispersing rays poised to amaze.

Bustling dreams of a world once obscured,
Where rivers did roar and flowers allured.

Where afterglow patter would appease my day,
And morning's beacon would hoist her away,

Where incredulous hearts were open to chance,
Unwinding your thoughts in heavenly trance.

Where euphoric sight gave faint suggestion,
And doubts of love were never a question.

Where has it gone...Did it ever exist?
An unreachable dream I couldn't resist.

I'll doze back to sleep and muse for a year,
If it means that her world still would be here.

The Moon now is dwindling, nights at an end,
Dew-drop illusions in minds pretend.

Atoning the heart of an incurious guide,
Releasing my love to be by your side.

 

 

In a list

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 26 of 26

  • Antebellum
    July 10
    Edit | Reply
    I really like the rhyme here,.
    thanks so much for entering.
    good luck

  • fancyfeatherbyrd
    May 30

    Edit | Reply
    this is really good. I hope to be a great writer some day. I hope you do well in your contest with this entry. thanks for sharing. I'll be back for more soon.


  • white stone
    May 30

    Edit | Reply
    Dark love... which makes it much better. Good meter and clean rhyme scheme. Effective use of metaphor.

  • madness abounds
    May 30

    Edit | Reply
    I really like the content and mood of this poem but I found the continuing forcing of the flow, ie trying to get all the words to fit in with your ryhming pattern actually made what is a really good poem akward, as the scansion and the metre didn't quite allow me to read your poem without having to slow down, speed up or pause to make it work. This detracts slightly, from what is after all, a very beautiful poem. Try reading it aloud to yourself to see what I am getting at.In the main this is a really good poem that could benefit from smoothing the metre out a little bit. I also feel that your over use of the word 'where' detracts from what you have written. Try finding an alternative to the word 'where' in some of your stanza's because your poem will improve dramatically if you can. eg
    Where incredulous hearts were open to chance,
    Unwinding your thoughts in heavenly trance.
    to
    Whilst incredulous hearts were open to chance,
    Unwinding your thoughts in heavenly trance.
    or move the 'where' to another place in the line
    Where has it gone...Did it ever exist?
    to
    It has gone where ...Did it ever exist?
    All in all, a very nice write that could be a really good write with a little more work done on it.


  • maybeillgohome
    May 30
    Edit | Reply
    This is soooo sweet, and very interesting, as well. Keep up the great work!!!


  • HiddenByTheDark
    May 30

    Edit | Reply
    your poems never stop amazing me and leaving me in awe. this poem is so sweet and fun and full of feeling. You are the greatest writer I know. Keep writing
    <3 kate


  • VierSinneNur
    May 1

    Edit | Reply
    I've read your work before, but this one stretched out and grabbed my attention. Love the rhyme scheme, and the way it kept trickling down into another great line. Fantastic work, please write on.


  • ajocean silver member
    May 1
    Edit | Reply

    very nice

    good write


  • liltulip gold member
    May 1

    Edit | Reply

    so lovely

    You are such a talented write...i enjoyed the rhyming couplets you used in this piece, i have so many favorite spots where i just sighed it was so lovely but if i have to pick one it would be:
    Bustling dreams of a world once obscured,
    Where rivers did roar and flowers allured.
    thanks for sharing this simply lovely poem with us!


  • Bean Sidhe silver member
    March 17

    Edit | Reply
    I love the imagery captured in the simplicity of couplet poetry here. You did choose to rhyme, but if I recall correctly, most of your writing does and you are gifted in that regard. There is a softness, a romance, that I found lovely within this piece and your vocabulary is spot on.

    My favorite is:

    "The Moon now is dwindling, nights at an end,
    Dew-drop illusions in minds pretend."

    Thank you for your entry and good luck in the contest!

    -Beàn Sidħe


  • spideracer gold member
    March 9

    Edit | Reply
    Quite a poetic piece you have here, beautiful imagery as well. Very deep too and you seem to have a way with words, giving this poem a richness that shines through in every stanza. Romantic thoughts are well painted here, and tells a great romance story. This poem is awesome so thanks for sharing it here on AP.

  • Topnotchsy
    March 6

    Edit | Reply
    This is a beautiful piece. The title is stunning (and was the reason I clicked on the poem to begin with) and had me thinking of a poem I wrote called "The Secret of the Stars" though this poem took a different direction. I can see why so many have left their positive reviews on this piece. Best of luck in the contest.


  • karma-n-peace
    March 6

    Edit | Reply
    I'll doze back to sleep and muse for a year,
    If it means that her world still would be here.

    So sad, this poem has an enchanting feel to it, the flow is fanatastic.
    The depth of this write is amazing and romantic and...

    So many awesome attrtibutes.
    You created a most beautiful piece.


  • Angelflower
    March 6

    Edit | Reply
    oh this was such a beautiful poem hun.. I truly loved the emotion here.. You have always been a writer of romance and it seems like you have not lost your touch.. I really enjoyed reading this!!

    Angel


  • ConjurerCaptainTam
    March 6

    Edit | Reply
    Wow this is so rich and the imagery so vivid. I wish I could say that I understand every word - but there are a few which are new to me (atoning, nocturnal)

    i absoloutley LOVED the first stanza - the flow is amazing. The words are almost slipping off my tounge and I'm finding it hard to capture each meaning. It arouses a deep feel of passion inside me.

    Sorry if it upset you erlier, I clicked on your poem by accident and when went away your msg sprung somewhat of a curiosity and I wanted to read it.

    Weldone, and thanks for sharing.

    Tammy.M x


  • Meroza
    March 6

    Edit | Reply
    This poem is so lovely, such rich emotions and heartfelt too. I do really like the details in this poem, makes it stand more out, makes it like a story almost.

    Well done and the best of luck, my raven

  • graybeard
    March 5

    Edit | Reply

    Excellent

    Yours is the second piece I've read tonight, that makes me feel like I should go back to digging ditches.


  • LadyElbereth
    March 5

    Edit | Reply

    Your Cadence a Gift

    Never an impuissant moment your work is intense thus holds crystal clear concise thoughts that gifts the reader along they little sojourn and understanding of loves heart. You make the read enjoyable from beginning to end. I love a person that can rhyme and you do this very well indeed. I am not quite clever enough to pull it off as you do so sweetly so I admire when I read others that can do this so very well a true artist to me. You work spouts beauty, poise and elegance…your cadence a gift throughout this whimsical work a refreshing moment my heartfelt thank you for this most lovely post.

    Lady E


  • Pheonix
    March 5
    Edit | Reply
    Excellant imagery! This is a wonderful piece with it's rhyme, flow, and lovely words. Great job!


  • albymyheart gold member
    March 5

    Edit | Reply
    Wow, this is so beautiful. You've done a wonderful job here. Just loved these words...alby


  • Kathraina silver member
    March 5

    Edit | Reply
    Oh wow, this is absolutely stunning.
    Such a lovely piece you've written here.
    I love it! Best of luck to you

    ♥ kate


  • maralisa silver member
    March 5

    Edit | Reply
    aw wow this is a very beautiful poem I love your imagery and depth throughout its just delightful good luck in the contestmaralisa


  • Draig aine gold member
    March 5
    Edit | Reply

    a lovely dance indeed


  • Viyanna Rosemarie silver member
    March 5

    Edit | Reply
    may i ask you, what is: doctrinaire? i have never heard the word.

    this is beautifully written and i wish you the best of luck in this contest that you have entered. looking forward to reading more from you in the near future. viyanna rosemarie


    • Cerulean Sunrise gold member
      March 5
      Edit | Reply
      I know! I know!

      Doctrinaire:

      A person who attempts to put into effect an abstract doctrine with little or no regard for practicalities.


  • Cerulean Sunrise gold member
    March 5
    Edit | Reply
    Beautifully said my friend.

1 - 26 of 26