Everyone t.e.l.l.s me
I'm [blinded] by your love
I tell them they d`o`n`'t`
[understand] anything
Every n*i*g*h*t,
I lay [against]
the w:a:l:l and
Start t~h~i~n~k~i~n~g of [you]
I w-o-n-d-e-r if your
laying a;g;a;i;n;s;t the [same] wall too
I w
o
n
d
e
r
do you [think] of me too?
Tears fall
down my {eyes}
M_e_m_o_r_i_e_s of [you]
Make me w^i^s^h
you were still [here]
Without you I am (=lost=)
A/l/o/n/e in this big[world]
Everyone calls [home]
I w.o.n.d.e.r if your[missing] me too
Do I ever [cross] your m˚i˚n˚d
L\i\k\e
you do [mine?]
W|i|t|h|o|u|t your [love]
I will [die]
As the night
s§l§o§w§l§y starts to [pass]
I g^r^a^b my [red] pen and draw
A big [heart] on the wall
I say to m·y·s·e·l·f [softly]
I
l†oºvˇe you so much [with]
All my
♢heart♢ has to
[●offer●]
I'd d.i.e for you in a heart♡beat
Because you are my [world]
Author notes
March 5,2009 [Thursday] (3:43p.m)
Emotion - 
Feeling - Weird
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
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you're welcome =]
you did very well,
I just gave you advice
on what I think needs
to be worked on, but you
don't have to change a
thing, it's still beautiful -
Title- 4/5
Creativity- 3/5
Use of metaphors, imagery, etc.- 6/10
Overall package- 3/5
Total= 16/25
This was well done, but I felt
more could have been expressed
in terms of visuals. There was a lot
of repitition of words and phrases;
to keep from doing that, try to
replace those with synonymns.
Hearing the same thing, tends to
get boring, and is one-sided, variety
is what captures the mind.
But other than that, this was very
good!
thanks for entering -
-
Thanks for your honest opinion
-
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wow this is an intresting way of setting out your poem. But you made it work very well to tie in your emotions.
by the ay I love the title forbidden love. sound so romantic yet sad
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wow this is very unique
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Wow great write wonderfully written
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i love it!
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i l0v3 how you wrote this poem its sooo great
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A very nice piece. Full of emotion
.
xxx -
This is amazing!
I love the emotion,
And of how you are kind of longing to be together,
But you cannot.
Banna -
this was a great write and that i really liked it. I thought it was awesome and i like it a lot bestie
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This is really beautiful the words and images are so strong. I really love this whole piece. Best of luck in the contest!!!
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Awe thanks so much for the comment Heather. I am glad you enjoyed it
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Wow, this is beautiful I really like it
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Do you still want me to edit, because this isnt dirty pretty....
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