They told me death held kindness once
but lost his way to see;
tossed out his tears of vivid bronze
and hid in vast debris.
In darkest nights he wore his robe,
his pitch-black cloth of fear,
while yellow meadows filled his mind
with sparkling springs so clear.
This joker of eternal love
held out a yellow rose,
bestowed a smile with hollow eyes
for love his heart composed.
They told me death held kindness once
but lost his way to see;
tossed out his tears of vivid bronze
and hid in vast debris.
Deep passion coerced his stagnant heart
while lust froze his aged bones,
his scythe forgotten and replaced
by autumn's gentle tones.
But time shall reap each mortal soul
and leave immortal blind,
lost in sad dreams that passed them by
in tears left far behind.
They told me death held kindness once
but lost his way to see;
tossed out his tears of vivid bronze
and hid in vast debris.
There shall be not one evil word
of this creature left in shade,
for his scythe is but a lone road
to pass yet one decade.
He handed me that little bud
that grew to finest rose.
I thank him for the love he shared
and took it when he chose.
They told me death held kindness once
but lost his way to see;
tossed out his tears of vivid bronze
and hid in vast debris.
© Denierim
March 5, 2009
Author notes
I know this most likely is nothing you're looking for in the contest, but I decided to try it out anyway. If you find it doesn't match the theme, feel free to DQ it; I understand. 
My first Ballad ever and I managed to pick a strange topic... lol
I was inspired to this piece by the prompt "Yellow" in the contest I submitted this to. For the longest of time I've wanted to give Death some love too but haven't found a way for that. I've always wanted him standing with his love with a yellow rose (I have something about yellow roses...). When I saw the contest, the thought just flashed to my head and I decided to work on it. So, this is how it turned out... You tell me what you think, I really want to hear how this turned out... ^_^
A contest entry
- Yellow Yellow Yellow by Kiddy.
400 points, ended April 9, 16 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
I love tough critique so give me your best shot! :P
Comments
1 - 28 of 28
-
Brilliant. loved this one very much. Thanks for sharing such a wonderful piece. Great job.
Kiddy's score - 38
Dr.Veer's score - 39
Total - 77/80
All the best
Love
Kiddy -
-
I'm really glad you like this one, especially when it's a bit strange... lol
And I want to thank you at the same time. If you hadn't put out this contest, I most likely would never had written this one. It'd be a shame because this was a fun one to write.
Many many thanks for your words and the comment; they mean a lot to me.
-
-
Dear J....I am amazed at your poetry skill here..Such beautiful flow and rhyme..An excellent metaphor...bittersweet..A very brilliant sad write! Keep penning poet!
-
-
I'm very glad you like it, with all the bittersweet things there. But that's what life is right; bittersweet emotions.
Thanks a million for the comment and your words; they are very much appreciated.
-
-
this flows beautifully. exclent job.
-
-
Thank you; I appreciate you reading it.
-
-
I like the feel of this - the haunting sadness, the great images and emotion. It read fairly nice, I liked the refrain - I could 'hear' this set to music.
I also enjoyed your AN's.
Nicely done.
best wishes in the contest.
-
-
It'd be so great to hear it with music... But I guess that'll remain a wish lol
I'm really really glad you like this piece. Thank you for your words; they mean a lot to me.
-
-
very dark and yet beautiful... love the melody you can get from this very well done!
-
-
Dark is beautiful, that's one of the very facts of life if you ask me.
Thank you for your words; they mean a lot to me. ^_^
-
-
wow this is a great piece.....
it is so vivid.... the flow is great also.....
i love the topic it is interesting but your words are beutiful.....
your Faerie
-
-
I'm so very glad you like this piece. Thank you so much for your words; they mean a lot to me.
-
-
A beautiful poem indeed! The topic is very interesting and the flow is brilliant!
Well done!
Nela -
-
I hear that a lot; that the topic is interesting... I guess I managed in something then lol
Thanks for your words; they mean a lot to me. ^_^ -
-
You're welcome, once again - a lovely poem.
-
-
-
what a take on the prompt!
this is awesome! your imagery is TOPS!!!!
i love yellow Roses My fav...
this such a beautiful work of art!
Rend
-
-
Thank you a million, I'm so glad you like this one. Your words mean the world to me. ^_^
-
-
OK
"They told me death held kindness once
but lost his way to see;
tossed out his tears of vivid bronze
and hid in vast debris."
this the part of the poem i really liked.
cud have done with more lucidity of language but as a ballad it's good enough
-
-
I agree to that, as I find parts that I don't like so much myself when it comes to the language. I'm trying to widen my vocabulary everyday so I hope one day I'll manage it with a bit more lucidity. As of now, I have to survive with what I know and that bothers me a lot sometimes... But we're here to learn, and you definately showed me what I should work on.
Thank you for your honest words and feedback; it means the world to me.
-
-
this is very beautiful!
i loved it
-
-
your very welcome <3
-
Thank you; it means a lot.
-
-
Great write! It is definitely different than other poems that I have read, but different is nice.
"He handed me that little bud
that grew to finest rose.
I thank him for the love he shared
and took it when he chose.
They told me death held kindness once
but lost his way to see;
tossed out his tears of vivid bronze
and hid in vast debris."
Good luck in the contest.
Keep writing.
-
-
I agree, different is nice. As much as I like some very cliche themes out there, I find different and unique poems and stories always best. I'm glad I managed in that with this poem, because I was hoping it wouldn't come too obvious or too cliche.
Thank you for your words and the comment; they mean a lot to me. ^_^
-
-
This is different and unique I quite like it as I've never thought of doing something such as this before
I wish you the very best of luck in this contest as this is so creative, it deserves recognition
All the best!
-
-
Thank you. I like different, unique and weird so that's where I try to head both in my poetry and in my life lol. Your words mean a lot. ^_^
-
-
thank you for sharing this write with me today. i do not really think there is anything that i would change about it. i wish you well in this contest that you have entered and am looking forward to reading more from you in the near future. viyanna rosemarie
-
-
I'm glad I managed with it then... lol
Thank you so much for your words and the comment; they mean so much to me. *hugs*
-
Adding your comment:
1 - 28 of 28
