Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read Contests Groups Learn Forums Store Help
 

La Luna Del Cacciatore – The Hunter’s Moon

Let’s play a game,
guess my name and live.
Landscapes evolved
yet I remained.

Stalking the night on feather light toes
I hear whispers on the wind.
I remain without shadow
while a life bleeds away.

My next victim waits,
your saviour around the corner.
I taste the death of strangers
and mourn the death of friends.

I loved and lost,
I felt the skin of another.
The sweetest blood could never taste
like my lovers kiss.

I sense your thoughts and fears
as we walk through the city dusk.
Taking notes and searching
for your own immortality.

I can show you death,
or everlasting life.
The choice is yours,
when the time comes.

I have a family,
they all slumber now.
The lichen, my brother
and my enemy.

My life’s tattooed to my being
in my second chance.
Flesh to ashes, ashes to dust
I will live on.

My coffin shades me
in my daytime coma.
Locked deep underground
with no disturbance.

What I wouldn’t give
to watch one last sunrise
before perpetual slumber.
Have you guessed yet?

Author notes

I wrote this for a university assignment - am still waiting for returned marks.

A contest entry

What did you think?

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 11 of 11
  • Nicely penned. The first few stanza's reminded me of the "Saw" movies. The whole poem reminded me of a christian book I read called "Red". Your imagery and word choice were superb in this. Thanks for entering and good luck in the contest.

    Josh

  • Wow.. at first i didnt think this poem rhmed but in a way it does. I really like the imagery in this poem . Thank you for entering and good luck in the contest


    • nudul
      March 7
      Edit | Reply
      thanks hun, did you guess the right name?


  • Grozny silver member
    March 5
    Edit | Reply

    Very good!

    You're the moon, right? But isn't that given away in the title? Or is there more that I'm not getting?

    • nudul
      March 5
      Edit | Reply
      im really glad you like it but im the hunter rather than the moon to be specific a vampire (coffins, daytime comas and blood) i really enjoyed writing this piece but it took nearly 30 rewrites to get to this point. I really hope I got it right, as when i read it back to myself now, I enjoy reading it and i must admit, i enjoyed the creative process too

      • Grozny silver member
        March 5
        Edit | Reply

        Okay, I was being really dense.

        "I can show you death,
        or everlasting life.
        The choice is yours,
        when the time comes."

        That should have given it away. When I got to this:

        "My coffin shades me
        in my daytime coma.
        Locked deep underground
        with no disturbance."

        I thought you were refering to the full moon being on the other side of Earth during the daytime, which primative people would think of as being underground.

        • nudul
          March 5
          Edit | Reply
          no worries, believe it or not it came from interview with the vampire, ann rice. i grew up loving both the book and the film, it takes pride of place at the top of my dvd pile (in special edition) this was kinda one of the things i meant when i mentioned magic, im also a big fan of the ancient egyptians (if you hadnt guessed) ive started a second piece of short fiction based on nefertiti.


          • Grozny silver member
            March 5

            Edit | Reply

            Have you read Rice's book "The Mummy?"

            http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Mummy_(novel)

            • nudul
              March 5
              Edit | Reply
              Thats one that ive not read but ill be going and getting it from the library tomorrow, have a massive one to read about Nefertiti at the moment that I havent yet started. I love the Vampire Chronicals though, especially the Vampire Lestat. (am back by the way)


              • Grozny silver member
                March 5
                Edit | Reply
                I've only read Interview with the Vampire and The Mummy.

                • nudul
                  March 5
                  Edit | Reply
                  The other chronicals are really worth reading, will go and get the mummy from library in the morning though xx need some fiction to go with the historical reading i have xxx

1 - 11 of 11