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how I spent the evening looking for your paleblue shirt.

as we walked against the unruly city waft,

we put our flowers away –

Sabrina kept

thinking 'thoughts' without hearing them, ironically

I asked her to write them down somewhere.

 

we were exhausted.

the sun was tanned with flying-dust  

when I looked around

I could imagine you buried

amid tinyfaces or having a cup of tea

from some messy streetcorner shop

[the kind which only had a roof and no

walls]. I was happy, really. I could think of you

as the sky came closer to the building

where I ate lunch. before dusk clothed

my cold shoulders, nervous,

I thought of your song and romanced 

with slowly-fast moving cars.

Author notes

jerseyguy


sabrina actually said "inaudible thoughts"... the two senses baffle you really..

In a list

A contest entry

writing is a therapy. i am not a writer. i am a liar and a flesh eating monster.

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 23 of 23

  • written-in-ink
    April 11

    Edit | Reply
    before dusk clothed

    my cold shoulders, nervous,

    I thought of your song and romanced

    with slowly-fast moving cars.

    ------------------------------------------\
    very very nice
    thank you so much for entering i think this is wonderful
    <33


  • written-in-ink
    March 28
    Edit | Reply
    are you on my favorites?


    • chloris
      March 28
      Edit | Reply
      i thought i was
      ... remove me if i wasn't my bad...

      • written-in-ink
        March 28
        Edit | Reply
        ohhhhhhh!!!
        honey
        you are!!!!!!!


        im sooo sorry
        damn it
        i thought you were someone else my bad
        =[[[


        i love you
        forgive me!


  • Dalaney gold member
    March 26
    Edit | Reply

    wonderful writing!  i didn't want it to end...

    Love, Lane


  • checkmate
    March 12
    Edit | Reply
    woah.


  • Floorboards
    March 10

    Edit | Reply
    Here are my scores.

    Imagery. 19/20.
    Metaphor. 17/20.
    Feelings. 19/20.
    Grammar. 18/20.
    Enjoyability. 19/20.

    Total. 92.

    Thanks very much for entering my contest and good luck!

    Floorboards.

  • Sz
    March 10

    Edit | Reply
    btw, i still can't believe i didnt get to see him i keep missing him! not fair i shall search for your mystery man and i'll make him fall in love with you so you can live happily ever after and make lots of prettiful and talented babies

    je t'adore! <3

  • Sz
    March 10
    Edit | Reply
    i LOVE YOU!! YOU ARE AMAZING! ahh! it has my name on it! *tee hee hee*

    i love the part where you wrote "the sun was tanned with flying-dust"

    i love you riffz! muah muah muah! <3


  • Jersene gold member
    March 6

    Edit | Reply
    I love the contrast of 'slowly-fast moving cars'...compliments the dreaminess of the poem. Great penning


  • Catie Sheeran gold member
    March 6

    Edit | Reply
    awesome write! ha ha...I used the word 'unruly' in my most recent poem

    the last two lines are amazing!!!




  • Allyce May gold member
    March 5

    Edit | Reply
    Who is he?! I feel like I've missed something! This is very beautiful, all of it


    • chloris
      March 6
      Edit | Reply
      he doesn't have a name... i never got to talk to him... story of my life. thanks for reading...


  • Cannonsfire
    March 5

    Edit | Reply
    He really made some impressions on you didn't he? It's nice to be able to look back and know these things and touch them again because they are real. C


  • girl shaman
    March 5

    Edit | Reply
    my princess found a prince!??

    this is awe inspiring. you always do so well hun, i know you might not believe me but you really do. keep up the gorgeous works

  • tara wilson gold member
    March 5

    Edit | Reply
    just a perfect, perfect title. i have done this too, a really beautiful, visual poem.

  • Suzanne Dia
    March 5

    Edit | Reply
    One of the things I love about your poetry is the way you bring me into your world.. shops with ceilings and no walls... can't find those here

    love love love the sun being tanned with the dust
    such a good image..clever that one..

    ahh jerseyguy
    hehe
    he makes for good poetry

1 - 23 of 23