I found a little boat
down by the waters edge
waiting to sail me to paradise.
I set sail
just on the wrong sea-
waves too high
winds too fierce
the other boats too rough,
malicious
sails tattered, hull battered
and broken,
I nearly sank.
I dry-docked my tiny vessel
mourning its damage
doubting my skills as a seafarer
I wept bitter tears.
I couldn’t sail anymore,
cursed the wind, merciless waves
and the callous who took pleasure
in bashing my small frame
-cowardly victory-
The sun set below the breakers
in dark night I mended and stitched
and learned new capacity.
The dawn saw a calmer sea,
my patched craft responded well…
Now I can sail
Away to paradise.
Author notes
This is a metaphor for my writing 'career' that almost wasn't because of flaming harsh criticism. Glad to say my dream of being a writer thrives. 
A contest entry
- When Dreams Come True by LovelyLauren.
1050 points, ended March 6, 18 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
This is a rough draft, entered before being done, any constructive criticism, suggestions welcome...
Comments
1 - 18 of 18
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Lovely write! You are very talented!
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Thank you so much!!
KW~
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i love this so real thx for writing
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Thanks for reading!!
KW~
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My dear poet what a wonderful write.. How dare anyone critisise your work.? We all have our own styles that is the beauty of poetry.. You have a marvellous talent for styles I have never heard of.. I bow in reverence to your wonderful gift..
Love and Light AngelofLight. xxxx
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Awww,
Thank you for always being so complimentary!! (I love it..he-he)
KW~
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Ah, writing as a dream...
But the work can mean so much more, resonate in so many ways in so many souls. I wonder if the author's notes aren't... limiting the impact of the piece?
And who are you writing for, you? Or the world...
I like to think I write for the world, but I control access pretty tightly. My poems ride with me in the truck, and when shared, folks ask me to publish. But then, anyone could have my babies. And they might be cruel... -
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Holding tight to our babies, Yep.
I have to say, though, AP is a wonderful warm sea! I'm glad I found it.
Thanks for visiting.
KW~
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such an encouraging write for those of us who are often criticized if even in the solitude of hearts ... when writing is an expression not to be taken lightly. I wish you all the best in your desires, you certainly have the gift and are blessed. This poem is triumphant and I really like the background too, (on a lighter ♫
I believe any writing from the heart is a well written poem. do we write to please others, or for an outlet of expression? that is a question only you can answer.
ps: edited comment: and yes, we write for the world too...
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Yes writing from the heart is to be appreciated in any form as its an expression of feeling Poetry is a medium that lends itself well to expressing feeling, story writing, however, a bit more tricky, this is where my anxiety lies
Thank you for the wonderful comment-
Peace my friend~
KW~
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Whenever we open ourselves to others, particularly in an artistic way, we risk hearing comments that make us regret our impulse to share. We have two choices: either to keep our writing private or to embrace the critiques as a way of strengthening our poetry.
The sailing metaphor was well executed although I dislike seeing the title words repeated in the poem itself. I would keep it as the title and find new ways to make the point in the body of the work. The final stanza was not strong as it could have been. When you use repetition you have inject something like irony or emphasis to end the poem on a high note. Congratulations on your honorable trophy. Peace, Liz
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I think that I've come to the point that I can accept non-constructive criticism with a grain of salt and a "meh," but it was definately difficult at first. I didn't really want to keep writing to myself, so got back on the horse so to speak, hoping to strengthen my writing.
Thanks for the great suggestions, like I said, I will be reworking this, so I will try to keep in mind the things you have commented on, I appreciate it so much!
KW~
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Small dreams can be some of the most important as they are what we build faith on...giving us the courage to hoist larger sails. I like the metaphor, also the way it is presented allowing pause.
A bit more punctuation would do this write credit. Also, I would note that the repetition of
"my little dream boat" does nothing to enhance your other words and at the worse, might seem redundant. That's because all of the descriptions/imagery given relate well to the metaphor and never leave the reader wondering. The boat is there in every line and does not need
to be stated so often. YOu also may consider reformatting stanza two. The jagged indents detract from the display in my estimate. I do like
the way "cowardly victory" is given a highlight.
Thanks for sharing! I hope a small part of my review may be found useful and that the whole is seen as encouraging. Blue
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Yes! Thank you so much for the suggestions. I will be reworking this. Thanks for pointing out things that I would never have seen
KW~
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love the metaphor of the 'dream boat' so pretty this is. congrats on the HM.
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Thank you Truetome!!
KW~
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wonderful
I am glad your dream of writing continues or I would not have been given the pleasure of reading your words which are quite beautiful in their presentation.
I love the use of metaphors and yours are just grand. Thank you so much for entering my contest. This was such a delight to read.
hugs, Lauren
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Thank you, lovely!! Congrats on your first contest!!
KW~
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