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&Then There You Were

The [thick]
                              g.r.a.y.n.e.s.s,
      some
              {call}
                                        f
                                          o
                                            g



                                          it s*w*e*p*t
            o`v`e`r    me,


(over us.)


                                                    I %called% your n:a:m:e..
you m~u~s~t come b_e_f_o_r_e
                                                                      me..

Seriously, does the title go with this? Thats what I want to know. I wanted this to be a small write, but then i made it dirty pretty.. is it still as meaningful when turned into dirty pretty?

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments

1 - 8 of 8

  • named.disaster--x
    April 13, 2009
    Edit | Reply

    bravo!

    i think that the title goes really great with it(:
    it fits well i figure. and i love this piece by the way, it's how you worded it i think that made me fall in love with it so much.

    and i think it has more meaning when you turned it into dirty pretty, because ur actually showing the actions of the piece. very very nice indeed(;

    your créme,
    -page <3.


  • stepbystep
    March 21, 2009
    Edit | Reply
    this was awesome!


  • Lonely Christina
    March 16, 2009
    Edit | Reply
    love it <3


  • XvampireX
    March 7, 2009
    Edit | Reply

    This is cool..

    I reallyy likee it...I mean it's soooo diffeentt && unique(:


  • Snap.Crackle.Pop
    March 7, 2009
    Edit | Reply
    why did you love it thoughhh?


  • Winter Wolf gold member
    March 5, 2009
    Edit | Reply
    Awe this is beautiful I loved this

  • Snap.Crackle.Pop
    March 5, 2009
    Edit | Reply
    thanks..


  • Tainted Sorrow
    March 5, 2009
    Edit | Reply
    Its auesome

1 - 8 of 8