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smile

I drink poison through smiling lips.
Swallowing you whole.
You swim around inside me.
I hand over all control.
Move me with your dazzling words.
I'm swinging faster.
Sparkling like the ocean under the moon.
What a f*cking disaster.

A contest entry

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments

1 - 6 of 6

  • slaybackc
    May 25
    Edit | Reply
    i like this, it's very good for a less than 10 line poem.


  • XxScreamoxX
    March 15

    Edit | Reply
    Damn I Wish i Could Write lyk you
    This Is Amzine , I Loved It
    The Rhyme Was Awsome
    I Liked This Part...

    Sparkling like the ocean under the moon.
    What a f*cking disaster.
    Awsome !



  • vampireprincess
    March 9

    Edit | Reply
    It's good I like it alot.
    You swim around inside me.
    I hand over all control.
    I love this part. I love how your poems are clear to the point. It's easy to know what they are about.. I like this good job.


  • Velvet Rose Petals
    March 6

    Edit | Reply
    damn. I just wish i could write like you. Your writing is so intense. I hope that some day you find that love you are looking for.
    Rose


  • writebrain
    March 5

    Edit | Reply
    i really like the rhyme scheme.
    it especially worked well for the ending!

    thanks for the entry.


  • a59teeth
    March 5
    Edit | Reply
    hilarious w/that ending & quite clever in general.

1 - 6 of 6