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Falling

I wait for you to slip and fall again,
you smile and laugh but I know it's pretend.
You know we've always been the best of friends -
but I see more than you can comprehend.

You take another drink and fake a smile,
you'll start to crave it in a little while.
You spill your secrets, swallow back the bile -
does feeling nothing make the drink worthwile?

What happened to us, where did childhood go?
When did true happiness become a show?
A casual drink became a constant flow -
the purity of youth seems long ago.

I will be here to catch you if you fall,
I'd rather you slip than not quit at all.
So when the bottle's empty, make one call -
I'm here to lean on till you can stand tall.

In a list

A contest entry

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    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments

1 - 58 of 58

  • DesolatELifE
    July 13
    Edit | Reply
    I'd rather you slip than not quit at all. - very good line.
    Lovely poem.


  • WideEyedSuicide
    June 30
    Edit | Reply
    Wow, this was really great.


  • dying inside 4ever
    June 30

    Edit | Reply
    OMG! tht was fantastic. I like poems that ryhem like this one. I also like how you picked one about friendship. Good luck ( srry i cant appulad no points)


  • Heva Feva
    June 12

    Edit | Reply
    That's a great ending, I must say... BearWoman said line 11 had an extra syllable, well that depends on how you say casual: cas-u-al or cas-ual. Lovely rhythm, it was very easy to follow. The rhyme was cool I enjoyed it. Good luck and thanks for entering my contest.
    -heva


  • BearWoman gold member
    June 11

    Edit | Reply
    A nice, strong poem with a complex depth of feeling. I very much like the monorhymed stanzas and the flow of this piece. Line 11 is the only one that varies from 10 syllables (containing 11)—which, with the shift out of a more iambic meter, slowed me down excessively. Because of the way this poem is written, I do not think you specifically intended it to be in a particular meter. However, what is metrical about it is part of what makes it flow so well. Most variations to that enhance the overall flow and rhythm of the piece (e.g., the final line). If you were to wish to modify Line 11, you might consider something like “Once casual became…”

    You treat this subject with depth and sensitivity. This form of support in a friendship comes through very clearly—not condoning the behavior, yet also not judging (or abandoning) the person. This is a strong poem. Thank you for entering this piece.

    p.s. Typo in Line 8 "worthwile?" -> worthwhile (if you are using American English)

    • DramaQueen469 gold member
      June 11

      Edit | Reply
      Thankyou so much for your lovely comment!
      My accent means that, to me, line eleven has ten syllables (we pronounce casual as cas-il, not cas-u-il)

      Maria

      • BearWoman gold member
        June 11
        Edit | Reply
        You're quite welcome! Thanks for letting me know about the pronunciation. That's one of the disadvantages of an anonymous contest--I don't know what country's standards are being used.


  • Salty Hibiscus gold member
    June 9
    Edit | Reply
    whew i enjoyed reading it. love is a funny thing, i think. lol thanks for sharing.


  • BreakingTheSurface
    May 14
    Edit | Reply
    Great imagery and excellent flow. Great job.


  • Sadistic klown girl gold member
    May 13

    Edit | Reply
    Wow, this is very well written. I enjoyed reading it. The flow and rhyme was well done. Thank you for sharing.


  • Night Terrors
    May 11

    Edit | Reply
    I think you really did great on this it really made an imapct on me I re read it several times



    The Positives:
    This was full of great emotion and told an interesting story


    Room For Improvement:
    Nothing I can see you did wonderful



    My Favorite Part:
    You take another drink and fake a smile,
    you'll start to crave it in a little while.
    You spill your secrets, swallow back the bile -
    does feeling nothing make the drink worthwile?

    Absolutly loved this part
    Overall:

    I give this an 8/10 you did great. I hope to see you in my future contests thanks so much for entering.

    ~*~Apathetic Poison~*~

  • AlexisRayne
    May 9

    Edit | Reply

    very touching

    i love the show of support in this poem. however, what might be a nice touch or slight improvement would be to tie in how it affects you as a supporter. while right now you say how you will "[be there to] lean on..." (last line), but i think you may be able to give this poem more impact overall if you added something like (just a suggestion) how you feel internally - be it good/bad, whatever the case may be. over all though, i am impressed


  • Irealist
    May 2

    Edit | Reply
    You have nothing to be jealous about love, your awesome exceeds mine after all, you have 2 extra months life experience you rock yaknow, you even made me consider stopping this binging. Very inspirational.


  • FreeFalling911
    May 1

    Edit | Reply
    This is really amazing and Im glad you entered my contest and gave me a chance to read it.


  • Amandainlove
    April 28
    Edit | Reply
    I like it a lot.

  • Eusebius
    April 13

    Edit | Reply
    Frankly I think this poem is very, very good with fine meter (personally I don't care for the aaaa rhyme scheme but just an opinion) yet you DO know what you are doing in this poem, which is something can be rarely said on AP... the second stanza was exceptional... oh, did I say that I loved it? I DO!


    • DramaQueen469 gold member
      April 13
      Edit | Reply
      Thankyou so much for your lovely comment! The second stanza is my favourite, too

      Maria


  • poet360
    April 12

    Edit | Reply
    this is very good. this is my favorite line:
    "What happened to us, where did childhood go?
    When did true happiness become a show?"
    great write!


  • lowercase prelude gold member
    April 5
    Edit | Reply
    Very deep and sorta dark
    Well penned


  • Shuberth
    April 1

    Edit | Reply

    Awesome !

    Maria this poem is awesome i so love this, i enjoyed reading this, like the rhymes and the way you put this is great, its flows so well and its beautiful.
    i thank you for this group for giving us the opportunity to Rhyme, this group is my home and i'm never gonna leave this group

    Good poem i loved it 100 %



    Shuberth


  • Justified Inc.
    March 30

    Edit | Reply

    Bravo!!!!!

    This is excellent! Viewed from the 2nd person. I've never read one quite like it before! Very well done, loved the Rhyme and the rythym!
    Just an overall super write.
    Whomever this was written for must of been blown away after reading it! I know I would of been. It was so hard to read the part about the childhood, like it was your childhood friend or sibling? So sad, and so well written!
    Loved it!
    I am gonna have a very hard time picking winners in this contest!
    I have a couple put in the finalists, but I keep reading so many more that belong up there!
    So hard!
    This one deserves recognition for sure!


    Justified Inc.


  • Ashleen
    March 22

    Edit | Reply

    Sad.

    This poem speaks from the heart. Ouch. It conveys an honest message! Drugs wreck people's lives, and sour true love. Thanks for the comment!


  • Rayray
    March 21

    Edit | Reply

    AWESOME!!

    This poem hit me real hard. I'm a drug addict who's favorite drug was alcohol, and I've had many friends tell me I'm slipping away. I have 10months C&Sober now.
    This poem was great I'm really glad I clicked on it
    Keep writing!!


  • Shady Light
    March 21
    Edit | Reply
    oh wow!
    i loved it!
    i could really relate to this, this type of friendship!


  • Dragonfire13
    March 17
    Edit | Reply
    I like it. I think too many of us are ruled by our pride and are unable to admit when we need help.


  • SaraLawson
    March 16

    Edit | Reply
    That is a very good poem, I can tell it comes straight from the heart, that is where the best poems inside of us lye. Thanks for the comment on my poem Lost in March. I really appreciate it.


  • The.poet.of.hearts
    March 15

    Edit | Reply
    nice write
    seem better
    keep writing


    by
    the poet of hearts and beautiful words


  • couldbeworse
    March 10
    Edit | Reply
    supberb rhyme scheme and flow! it was like butta' baby! lol.


  • ciara12
    March 10

    Edit | Reply
    this was really good but it was uber sad at the same time and i know what it feels like to be in that situation
    love forever
    Ciara ann


  • SaraMaria
    March 9
    Edit | Reply
    The flow and rhyme is very good, I really like this poem and the message is also very meaningful


  • Selestial
    March 9

    Edit | Reply

    Very Good

    I enjoyed the flow of this very much, and the feeling it portrayed. I enjoy rhyming and struggling to find the right word to express the right thought, and I appreciate it when others do the same.

    I have been writing on my own since I was 9 yet have never ever done anything even as formal as this site, so please forgive me for asking, but what does iambic pentameter mean?

    • DramaQueen469 gold member
      March 9
      Edit | Reply
      Hey thanks for the comment, and don't worry because not everyone uses specific forms (in fact this is my first proper attempt at it!)
      Iambic pentameter is the form Shakespeare writes in. The term is made up of two parts.
      "Iambic" is the pattern of syllables - an unstressed syllable followed by a stressed syllable (eg: I wait - "I" is unstressed, "wait" is stressed).
      "Pentameter" means that there are five iambs (or whatever pattern of syllables you're using) per line. So if you read the line, "I wait for you to slip and fall again", every second syllable is stressed, and there a ten syllables (five unstressed, five stressed) per line!
      It's a little confusing, I know, but I hoped that's helped you out a little bit. If you're really interested in learning more about the different forms, I'm taking an AllPoetry class at the moment called "A Gentle Introduction to Meter" which has been really helpful - you can find it
      http://allpoetry.com/assignment/next/Gentle%20Introduction%20to%20Meter
      here
      Thanks again for your comment!!

      Maria

  • J Macabre gold member
    March 8

    Edit | Reply
    This one is pretty great.
    I mean to me its saying that someone will be there for this person when they fall each time.
    How many people these days ACTUALLY do that for others?
    Splendid piece.


  • Lime Ocarina
    March 7

    Edit | Reply
    Scratch what I priorly said, this is now just super amazing mind blowingly great.

    Good job with the correction.
    Excellent work.


  • JulietteArielle
    March 7
    Edit | Reply
    i love this poem! awesome rhyme!


  • MJ Donnelly gold member
    March 7
    Edit | Reply
    Quite an effective rhyme and flow here Maria, well done dear.

    mj.


  • RastaI
    March 6
    Edit | Reply

    Good work

    Nice job on expressing your emotions. I like this.


  • Girl Mad As Birds
    March 5

    Edit | Reply
    YAY YOUR WROTE SOMETHING ZOMG!

    *Cries and clings limpet-style*
    Dude, you may not think it's your best but it's still brilliant.

    PS. WATCHMEN.


  • a59teeth
    March 5

    Edit | Reply

    heartfelt

    i love this. even though you feel it's not your best, the particular friend or any person potentially in the friend's place will feel as if the best if being offered. it is really quite sweet.


  • DecorusApparatus
    March 5

    Edit | Reply
    Fantastic.
    Love the ryhme and rhythm of it.
    Very impressive Margie.
    Keep up te excellent writing!
    ♥

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