Tangible.
her feelings
are
relatable
so real
you could
nearly...
touch
them.
Poetic.
her thoughts come
in
stanzas.
pauses and
. . .breaks
make for
debatable
concepts.
of that man
[boy]
made up of
biceps
and
triceps
and
lies expect
her all.
her
eyes
are painted
. . . blue
for him.
He who is
in
sataible.
and she who is
oh so very
taken
caught up in
her
tangible
thoughts.
plots against
her
poetic heart.
try and
try she'll
try gain
for him.
shame.
she can't even
. . . claim
him.
Author notes
I believe that his is one of the most heartfelt things I've written as of late.
Buggie.B
A contest entry
- Your oldest prewrite poems and my 20th contest by stargazer..
650 points, ended April 20, 417 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - ANYTHING GOES!! PIF by Jade.Butterfly.
2000 points, ended April 23, 47 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Just make it amazing! by X.brokenlover.X.
977 points, ended November 18, 305 entries
• next poem in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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Awesome
I liked this piece..
The brief lines and the spacing between was great.
I like how you have them scattered about and how each one has a meaning of it's own.It's deep and meaningful.I like how the background looks like a piece of notebook paper and you're like writing down how you feel. this was an excellent read and i enjoyed it very much. Good luck in contest and thank you for entering.
-Mandi -
Hmm. I agree, I like the brief lines. However, be careful not to lose your piece due to spacing and unusual punctuation. That can be difficult, especially with dirty pretty, which I'm assuming this is. Good job though.
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I like it - Your brief lines lengths are good, and it flows pretty well - not too sure if you need all those ...'s though, some seem not neede - like the ...claim him at the end. I like the man [boy] biceps and triceps and lies expect her all. Very well put!
Will be reading more :
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Great!
Very nice I like the flow and the format of the poem.
-
wow
loved this! I think that the format gives the poem all the feeling it needs!
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Amazing
This is really great. The words, how they are arranged on the page makes s statement about how the person feels. It's really deep and meanful. Great Job. -
Great stuff indeed
I have never read any of your other poems before so I don't have anything to compare this one to. I liked it because it was diferent to a lot of the stuff I have read on this site which can't be a bad thing. Enjoyable and pretty deep.
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I do like it. The way the words are scattered along the page, it's like your words and emotions are tumbling out and just catching on the page wherever they will. Good Poem.
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