I walk alone
on this pathway of death,
yet in the shadows
I sense many others
who walk beside me,
unseen
I cry my tears in silence,
deep within,
yet I feel the droplets of those
who cry with me,
walking beside me,
unseen
I tremble in fright
shrouding it from view,
yet my distress touches them
combining with their fears
as they walk beside me,
unseen
We are all alone
on this final journey,
yet we touch,
tremble,
and feel
those who also walk
in the shadows with us.
Author notes
ok - just fast thoughts, no great imagery or fancy words, probably not the best grammar - and a picture to boot! 
Don’t you just hate entries like this….lolol….
(but wanted to get something entered……feel free to remove….)
best wishes
A contest entry
- Sick of lazy contest hosts? by Floorboards.
1150 points, ended March 10, 16 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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Wonderful
So very creative and well done. Congratulations on the silver.
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thank you so much 'penman' - glad you enjoyed this.
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Congratulations on the Silver. I enjoyed this read.
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Thank you so much 'Thor-201 for reading and your lovely comment. I am pleased you enjoyed this.
best wishes
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The picture made me think of that movie the Mist or whatever it was called. Great job! Congrats on the silver.
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Thank you 'Heroesrox' - I never saw that movie, but just liked that picture when I saw it....lol....
These were thoughts I had about death I guess - all of us who are walking the same pathway to death and yet don't realize there are so many of us in the same boat - we're all 'misted' from each other until we somehow connect......I don't know, just some stray thoughts....lol....glad you enjoyed.
best wishes
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A moving piece. Just one thing you might change -- rather than "droplets", I think "tears would flow better andwould create internal rhyme with "fears" in the next verse. But you certainly have created a vivid picture here, of how things are.
I like the repetition of "unseen". Congrats on your silver trophy.
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Thank you so much 'Judith Chandler' for such a lovely comment. I am glad you enjoyed this.
I didn't use the word 'tears' as I had just used that word a line or 2 before (training from being a PO judge....lolololol)....but maybe I can think of another word that would fit better.....thanks.
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PO
I never felt I was very good at P.O. though I did try. I think repetition is great! Some many of the Old Poets were in to it. Maybe it's my innately oldfashioned approach to verse. No offence meant, mind you. -
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lol - I wasn't very good in the PO's either - every once in awhile I had something that they liked - and ALL of mine were creative, unique topics, but still.......I got discouraged even entering after awhile, then I'd get 'stubborn' and try again....just to lose again...lololol.....but I did learn not to repeat a word twice in a short write
(and also learned alot about titles...lol)
I do think myself, personally, that sometimes a repeat brings more impact and interest to a write.....
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Depends on context, I guess
Sometimes, the repetition makes it sound more musical. Then, again, I suppose there have been pieces where I just didn't repeat words. I'm not that conscious of it.
Cheers
jjj -
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yes, I agree. I have some writes where I've repeated words - and I like them! and would not change them just to suit a contest judge....lolol....
I am trying very hard to un-learn that 'rule/critique'....lolol
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I'm afraid I'm not really much of a "rules" person myself but I have read some good poems in the PO contests. And written some not bad poems for them! Discipline does have its good points. I find it applies more to prose and I have gone for long periods where I tried to write every day. My writing did improve.
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Wow this is wonderful. The way people or who ever is walking in the shadow with you as least your not alone in the shadows.
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Thank you so much 'Golden eyes 25' - glad you enjoyed this.
I don't believe we are ever truly alone - even though it feels that way most times....
best wishes
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Here are my scores.
Imagery. 18/20.
Metaphor. 18/20.
Feeling. 20/20.
Grammar. 20/20.
Enjoyability. 18/20.
Total. 94. Great score!
Amazing emotion, and lasting impact, one that has lingered in my mind since the first time I read it.
Great work, good luck, and thanks for entering!
Floorboards. -
I really was drawn by your words hun
Lyrical ...
and deep rendering thoughts echo
I wish you all the best in this contest
Julie
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Thank you so much Julie - just some fast thoughts I had. Glad you enjoyed.
blessings
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Thanks Az!
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I agree with Jacks
the words you used
couldn't be put a better way--
it's how you feel and wow did
you ever move me!!!!!
Thank you so much for sharing
Good luck in the contest.
~Pastel
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Thank you so much 'Pastel' - glad you enjoyed these thoughts.
blessings/hugs
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I don't think you need imagery or fancy words to get the powerful message across! This really grabbed me.. it's a fantastic write and offers a soft comfort.
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thank you so much 'kiwi' - glad you enjoyed these quick, deep thoughts of mine.
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I keep reading this over and over. so much to say, just not sure how. if that makes somehow. yes there are others that walk along side you through your journey. there are some that walk in both realms. ones that have been there with you the entire time.. but when one thinks they are alone they aren't.. they just don't know it.
this poem is beyond brilliant. the imagery and the emotions that you've brought forth are incredibly strong & powerful.
this to me is now my fav .
good luck
kat
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Thank you so much kat for such a lovely comment. I'm glad you liked these fast thoughts.
yes, I know we are not really 'alone', even when we feel like we are....
(I need to edit this one...lol)
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Why do you need to edit this one? I think that it's fantastic. and I personally think you don't need to edit it.. my feelings on that are this. if you are happy with it, then leave it alone. your words will be remembered and I guess for me this poem goes beyond a trophy.. that's just me though. and maybe it doesn't make sense to anyone else
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thanks kat!
it could be better - if I took some time with it....lol....I just whipped off some deep feelings I was having...
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This sad ma'am good luck in the contest ma'am
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Thank you Gen.
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Excellent! Gold Contender!
Beautifully yet poignantly written, darling Sis. I, one among many, have been walking this path since age 6; albeit, I've never felt alone or afraid. I just get mad. . . at Satan. Mainly, because he has a way of screwing up my day.
But, I always kick him in the teeth while shouting up to God, who then sends that old Devil on his way. Ack! But, he always comes back.
I don't know why you feel this poem thrown together and not the best. Personally, I feel it is exceptionally put together and certainly it cannot be said any better. It is a winner thus should garner the GOLD!
Much luv & hugs SisBon
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Thank you so much 'BonnieQ' for such a wonderful comment.
I was thinking about this last walk in life - how we all have to walk it alone, and yet there are really so many others walking it with us - we just don't always see them. And none of us are really alone. And we're all connected on this path - in one way or another.
These thoughts were whipped off in minutes - it does need some editing...lol....I write FAST, without really thinking when I type - words just kind of appear there sometimes. just the way I write, but when I look back at it a day or two later, I notice I could use a little HELP!....lolol
much luv/blessings/hugs to you also SisBon
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beautiful write to the picture, so many do go unseen and unheard... love the gentle rhyme and the refrains add to the impact... good luck
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Thank you Rob - glad you enjoyed these quick thoughts.
I was thinking about this 'death road' - how so many of us are on it together - yet never meet, see each other - but yet, we do 'feel' each other. Alone, but not alone.....
anyways
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One of my favorite poems is "Footprints in the sand" by Mary Stevenson and this just echoed those sentiments in a whole new way!! This was so beautiful.....I am in awe!!! Best wishes
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Thank you so much 'jcat' for reading, and your lovely comment. I am glad you enjoyed these fast thoughts.
I loved 'footprints in the sand' - I'm honestly flattered this reminded you of that.
best wishes
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Wonderfully written, and awesome pic too! Great job!
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Thank you so much 'Carnivorous-Orchid' for reading and your lovely comment. I am so pleased you enjoyed these quick thoughts. (I had trouble finding a picture to go with this - glad you think it fits ok...)
best wishes
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Oh YES!
The pic is a great fit. I really enjoyed the whole presentation!
PEACE
Sheli -
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thank you so much 'Sheli' - I was unsure of the pic.
I need to edit/play with this the contest host feels. (I do have a very bad habit of quickly whipping off thoughts without really 'thinking' about them).....lololol
blessings
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You are always at your best...
When you say you aren't!! lol
Wonderful write!
Paints a powerful image! Best wishes in the contest and always!
Write on!
s
me
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Thank you islekine - glad you enjoyed!
lol - I always write FAST, thoughts of the second so to speak. I may need some help editing this - you busy????
blessings
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Brilliant!
You expressed what you are feeling down to the core, to the heart of the matter with both fear, uncertainty and acceptance all wrapped up, goes great with the pic. Well written. Blessings.
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Thank you so much 'Denerica' for reading and your lovely comment. I am pleased you enjoyed these quick thoughts of mine. (I had a hard time finding a picture to 'fit' this....lol)
blessings
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This would take me days to write, to get these images and emotion in such a short time would be impossible. If you take the time to edit this, it could be incredible, and I really hope you do. This isn't my "proper" comment, I was just compelled to say something,
good luck!
Floorboards.
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thanks - I always write fast, thoughts of the second....lol
I will try to edit this....
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