Looming buildings
shadowing
narrow crowded
streets with
sunset veils
of inky Hughes
lacking beauty.
Dreaming of
open fields
swaying gold
topped grasses
the comfort
of solitude
under a open
periwinkle sky.
Bare feet digging
into soggy earth
dirt stained
pale skin
naked shoulders
burning ruby
peeling away
memories slowly
the layers of chaos
finally peace.
Author notes
I wrote this while my prof was rambling about a book of poetry we are suppose to have read (haven't done that yet). I'm not sure of the short lines like I did this in but I was trying to fashion it in the style of the poems we were descussing.
I only have one trophy, an HM from shortly after I joined the site.
A contest entry
- For those of you, with less than 10 trophies -anything goes- by Guapia.
700 points, ended March 15, 39 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Prewrite Heaven by Heavenly Angel.
700 points, ended March 27, 76 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Any advice?
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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I think you did very well with this piece
Was this an "off the cuff" write?
No matter; it's very well done
Thank you for sharing and for being part of the contest; all the very best to you!! -
Oh, short lines flowing from one to the other is enjambment, no?
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Great language
I really enjoy the language in this piece, especially the last stanza, where you talk about "naked shoulders, burning ruby" very vivid, thank you for entering.. By the way in the first stanza do you mean veils instead of vales? one means to shroud, the latter means a valley!
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Good
I really enjoyed this poem and its chunky degrees of descriptive words...gave me a abstract through your eyes -
I like the short lines. I can't remember what they are called either but you've used them well
good one.
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