Crimson, oh crimson, I long for your embrace
Surrender sweet this wail of empathy
Truly seal this being unvalued
Worthless values, they being …
Scarlet, dear friend, hear me you humbled twit
Mask her façade, no longer hidden
I bear it not any longer
Though thou art terrified unjustly
Thou revelest in its inhumane filth
And to then unleash
Bidden hither to your lukewarm embrace
And I know not; am I repulsed, or enchanted
Sigh—the lack, oh the lack thereof
Ascending higher as a hallowed hierarchy
Spinning tales and webs of mendacity
Like a world twisting from infrared to ultraviolet
I cannot see your true colors
I cannot…
I will not…
And yet…
I do…
I sorely do…
Author notes
Colors – Crossfade
With all the rage and countless other faceless emotions that run circles in my head, I present my inner ramblings....to her. (Not you Chalina. Love you sweetie!)
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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Very good write. Your punctuation could use some work, though. I very much like the last three lines and the spacing is very effective. The word twit seems a bit misplaced in this poem. Very deep and emotional. Good luck!
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Ah, punctuation, yeah it's never been a strong point of mine. Will work on it. Thanks for the critique! Cheers mate.
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You write so well, always have thot so, it's so sad and deep...only those who have gone through can understand...I hope the pain subsides dear..xxx
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Why thank you Rivers! So happy you understood it. Stay sweet hun! Love you lots!
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I understand perfectly... I felt rather shamed after unleashing my feelings to ... him ... that time. But I certainly do not agree that you are filth of any sort! I doubt that she could even feel anything close to what you are going through right now. Nothing nearly as deep.
The wording was wonderful. It really brought me through each feeling as if it were my own. And I can relate to the two last lines.
Good work.
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Aww loony....I'm so glad you understood each emotion! Thanks so much for commenting!
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Were you trying to write this from an 1800's or earlier angle? I'm just asking because the way this is written is like the way people spoke back then or earlier. I was able to understand the poem, language I'm not used to and all, and the piece of advice I would offer to you is to, maybe the next time you write, to not do it in such a lofty, archaic fashion. Because the next person who comes along to read this could be like 'what? I have absolutely no idea what is going on.' And could you tell me where in this piece the song 'colors' inspired you?
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If anyone whom reads this who has the reaction of, quote, 'what? I have absolutely no idea what is going on.', then I would be most pleased, in fact maybe even flattered. Yes, what I wrote here would most likely not be understood by the average reader, simply because it is far too deep, thus may even be mistaken for gibberish. Maybe it's because of the lingo, maybe it's because it's free verse, maybe not, I don't know, and I don't care. I do not consider Old English 'lofty' or 'superior' to normal english, and merely used it in this piece to add variety and color to my usual poetry. I understand completely that to have used normal wordings would have resulted in a more clear understanding of this piece by a larger audience; but I didn't, and that was intentional. Thanks for the advice, anyway.
The song 'Colors' by Crossfade inspired me to create this piece by meshing well to a particular relationship of mine; most dominantly in the lines,
'But you should know these colors that you're shining are...
Surely not the best colors that you shine'
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