Whoosh, whoosh, whoosh.
Sounds like a hand passing over tall weeds.
Stop. A deer. Don't breathe.
Ears twitching minutely
Forward and
Back.
Large, luminous pools of brown
gazing.
Tail raising u- uh- up
foreleg suspended in mid-air
readied for flight.
Who will break the stillness?
I stare in awe of the dappled fawn
as he studies me.
Hours or minutes go by
as two strangers communicate
without knowledge of each other's language.
Wild nature and tamed culture clash as
I sigh
and he bolts.
Author notes
This writing was about an actual meeting I had with a deer one day when I had been hurt very badly and had gone for a walk in the field across the street. I had more at the beginning and at the ending, but again, my creative writing Prof nixed it. I will share it and you can tell me what you think.
Beginning -
Anger, Fear and Pain I feel
I walk and do not think.
Ending -
Magnificent creature so gentle and kind,
did you sense my needs?
Now, peace of mind
from beauty running free.
What did you think
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
-
I came to check if you had posted anything new, and while you haven't posted a new poem in a while, I noticed that I had not yet read or commented on this piece.
A little while back I was discussing with a friend those moments in life that are just "it" when the experience is somehow entirely spiritual and larger than any of its parts; when it seems near impossible to put the experience into words. This poem somehow captures that, and offers a read that can almost be felt.
Nice write.
-
very good how you applied sound and movement to the poem. good write
-
I love how poetry can bring us to places we've never been and when done right, can create the image so vividly in our mind. I was there with you, and now I think I know what it feels like to come face to face with a deer. This was very well done, thank you for giving me a memory. =)
-
Nature surprises and fascinates the eye and it is wonderful when we have an encounter in the wild with a creature of such beauty and magnigficence ...
-
I think the poem is great with your edits. I am glad you included them though. You descriptions are vivid and your wording expressed your emotions very concisely. Great job.
-
How'd I miss this one? Though you seem to be doing pretty well in the comment department as it is. I remember reading this before and liking it. Adding the beginning and end in your authors note kind of made me see where you'd intended to go with the poem at first, which is similar to what the poem is now, but changes some things around as well.Great job mom! Keep writing.
-
I suspect there are bizarre causes leading to events taking place in our lives that we know nothing of. They belong to the category of processes that we forgot, were forced to remain oblivious to or simply lack the wit to perceive. Whatever the cause may be, it leads to the event of us being puzzled. But sometimes, somewhere hidden deep in the dungeons of our minds, we know why certain things occurred at a specific time in the way they did. Your concise poem, may be the reflection of such a situation. Thank you for creating and sharing. I enjoyed being on this page to read and ponder. Take care.
-
Excellent auditory description, "Whoosh, whoosh, whoosh...like a hand passing over tall weeds." Excellent description of your fawn, "ears twitching minutely". The spacing you used added to the suspense.
Very nice, "two strangers communicate".
Excellent "wild nature and tamed culture clash as/I sigh/and he bolts."
I think I agree with your Prof. Since the title focuses the reader onto "The Meeting", going into other emotional issues might dillute the tensions of that unique moment.
The fact that it was also a moment of healing for you is personally very significant, but might be best addressed in a separate poem.
Adding your comment:
1 - 8 of 8
