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A Hidden Friend

In my time of need,
When the pressure overwhelms me,
You are there to take that pain away.

No judgement,
You stay silent and hidden,
Until I reach out to you.

You do not beckon me,
Or force my trembling hand,
You only do as I wish.

The icy touch of your cold harsh scratch,
Presses deep and releases my inner turmoil,
Like a tide of crimson ash my sorrow is gone.

I am in control once more,
To make decisions,
No longer am I easily stressed.

I'll hide you away,
I won't call or write,
But you will not complain.

When the little things get too much,
Or my mind can take no more,
You are there for me.

When I need you I am never turned away,
You are not too busy,
You have nowhere better to be.

You listen to my fears,
And ignore my jaded words,
As my tears stain you with rust coloured imperfections.

Like a friend you will never betray,
Never go behind my back and tell the secrets we share,
I am your one and only.

Hidden away in a drawer,
Kept from prying eyes,
You lay undisturbed until I need you again.

Then you are there willing and tender,
To listen, to cut,
And to free.

I press you deep upon my burning skin,
Like ice you cut intricate winding rivers with ease,
You bring me to my knees beneath a churning waterfall of blood.

As the tears run free mingling with my blood,
Pressure slowly ebbs from behind closed eyes,
I lay you to one side and whisper thanks.

Your painful caress like a kiss on a crying child's grazed knee,
Until once more the band aid is ripped off,
And I find myself reaching for you again. 







Author notes

I have been cutting on and off since I was around 16 and am now 26 years old. Usually I cut because little things build up and I just can't take the pressure anymore or when I feel I'm completely out of control. Last year I found that one of my major stressors was certain people. Because of the negative impact they were having on me particularly after a certain event where they basically proved they never thought about anyone's well being but there own I had to cut them out of my life and concentrate on myself. On a positive note I have been clean since boxing day 2008 so about three months and have not thought about reaching for my old friend since. I'd like to thank those so called friends responsible for showing me that being considerate to others is only the best course of action when that consideration is returned. If it is not look after number 1. Although I no longer visit my hidden friend I know where I can find him if I ever need him because he's always been there for me.

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Comments

1 - 5 of 5

  • MarkiMalady.xo
    May 27

    Edit | Reply
    Woww this is soooo amazing!! [:
    you speak to it like its a person ..like its your poison ....like i used to think of mine ..and still do on occasion ...this completly blew me away [:
    you deffinatly understand what its like

    Good Imagry and Vocab
    Great Great Great Write!! [:


  • Flowergirl
    April 2

    Edit | Reply
    very nice i love it keep up the great work and congrats on the win this is a true winner keep up the great work...

  • Hovels 3
    March 6

    Edit | Reply
    I love the personification in this poem; making it into a male friend. Wow! I really understood where you were coming from as I read this poem. That cutting is a nonjudgmental friend that is always there for you, but at the same time, gives you space when you need it. A friend who actually helps you when you're in trouble, by sort of numbing the pain. Damn, no wonder you always came back to your “friend”. Just wow. I don't know what else to say. Beautifully written and exactly what I wanted.

    Also, thanks for following the rules.


  • darlintlc silver member
    March 5

    Edit | Reply
    I can relate to the hidden friend...not by cutting but by alcohol. I've always said and noone understood that if it wasn't for me drinking when I need to I would end up hurting myself. Whenever I have no one to be with and talk to the drink is always there. Self medicating is what they can it but I say so what it's cheaper than going to a doctor and him putting me on pills that make me feel like a zombie! Been there done that and I'd rather take care of it myself!

    We all need something and until we can find a better way just try not to judge what others do and be kind to ourselves.

    take care
    Tracey

1 - 5 of 5