For every moment my life exploded,
Numbness shattered by a pressure unseen.
The world came down with vivid demise,
And I could only hope to dream.
With an extreme hate against myself,
And a pulsing resentment increasing.
There's tension building up inside,
This anguish needs releasing.
My skin screams to open wide,
And push out the poisonous sludge.
I'm so desperately aching to bleed,
And you're desperately aching to judge.
Knowing the twisted choice I make,
My stomach churns with disgust.
A tear escapes my clouded eye,
But this compulsion is a must.
I drag this blade through my flesh,
Blood gushing crimson red.
There isn't any pain to feel,
Sitting, dazed upon my bed.
With every pump a rhythmic squirt,
And with every squirt, relief.
I could almost give up and surrender,
The thought only bringing more grief.
I cup the wound beneath my hand,
Warmth oozing through my fingers.
I can breathe again, calmly now,
The taste of death still lingers.
Enjoying the brief serenity,
I try and mend my mistake.
Every time it becomes harder,
But only for livings sake.
A contest entry
- Self-Mutilators: United & Exposed by Hovels 3.
1242 points, ended March 26, 20 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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Ohh wow. This was an total tug on my heartstrings and reading this brought back so many reminders, probably because I, like many other people, can relate to such an addiction.
Your imagery was amazing and I could see everything happening in my head perfectly...incredibly powerful words.
Thank you for sharing this, I hope you know you're not alone in all of these feelings =)
This was beautiful♥
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Wow, this is exactly what I was looking for when I said I wanted to really understand self-mutilation. Nicely done. I could really feel the tension of burden emotions building up in the beginning of the poem and then feel the release of these laborious emotions when finally cutting. It’s exactly how blood oozes out when one cuts. This poem makes me think of people carrying around this big ball on their back filled of emotions, thoughts, problems and situations. And all they can do is carry it. Enough is enough, you need to put down the ball sometimes and rest. I also liked the ending. When you said this, “ I try and mend my mistake.”, it makes me think about telling yourself, “I’m not going to do this again.” But, you always go back to it. Or it becomes harder to hide from other people. Nice work. And thanks for following the rules.
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Why thank you.
I did spend a lot of time on this. Not going to lie. Its something I've always, in some way, felt strongly about. Its hard to make people understand and not think you're crazy. I believe its something anyone can write about the way I have if they really want to. Since you're basically addicted to a chemical YOUR body produces, you have a different sort of bond with yourself. So in return its almost as if its easier to connect with yourself and bring it out with words. I may be wrong. I don't know for sure, I'm no expert by any means =P, But either way its something a lot of people do. I'm glad I was able to complete the picture for you in some way. Just remember, Don't try this at home. LOL.
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wow, reading your poem is just like being back to when i used to cut. even someone who has never been through that could feel as thouh they had once thay read that. once again, awesome job.
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cheers
It was hard to write about it as if I've done it recently. I'm glad its been successfully conveyed. It is very hard to describe the why and the feeling and that's kinda what the contest asked for. I must say reading it again now it did turn out better than I initially thought it would though. Thanks for the response =)
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damnnn!!! I love your imagery. I really wish i could write like you. You have this way with your words that just gets my heart racing.
Rose.
I'm glad you stopped, I used to cut too, but I have stopped too. -
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=)
Thank you so much Rose. That's what I was also going for, I wanted the reader to be able to put themselves in that position and feel how it feels. It is a very addictive habit so quitting is definitely one of the toughest things I've ever had to do. So I'm happy you can say you don't do it anymore either. Anyways, thanks again. I always enjoy getting feedback =D. -
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well good job
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