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soliloquy of the senses

 

sound.

you crack cartilage,

remember school

and the swings?

You threw grass in my face,

laughing at my tears?

Wasn't it funny.


sight.

I saw your smile falter,

as you dedicated love-notes

on a faulty electric guitar.

Wasn't my smear mascara pretty,

as you wiped it away with kisses.

smell.

your cologne, can't forget

that fragmented fear,

as you inhaled humility

as my lips quivered,

tears are beautiful

but only on me.

taste.

your seed, upon selfless lips

as I choked back chunks of chaos;

perfect panic, JD and coke

textured like torture,

remember when?

touch.

fingers, throbbing flesh

each in of euphoria dies.

It hurts, the humid hands

holding mine against headboard,

hammering heart.

Feeling.

What have you done?

 

 

Author notes

I quite liked this. I don't know why. Maybe because it's about me. This is what he done. No, it's not alright!


M i d n i g h t - x - R o s e

In a list

A contest entry

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    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 7 of 7

  • whiterabbit.
    April 30

    Edit | Reply
    I love the way that you've written this. Separating the poem into stanzas based on senses really adds an extra quality to it. I love how I can feel the emotions in your words. Great write.


  • etoile
    April 13

    Edit | Reply
    amazing take on the title, this is exactly what I wanted and more. I love all the imagery and this kept me captivated throughout. I love the ending as well, very powerful.

    goodluck and thanks for entering my contest


  • tears.of.silence
    April 4
    Edit | Reply
    Very interesting. I like the way you did the senses. Excellent work. You have two poems in this contest so the points will be separated . I find that this poem on the wow factor constitutes about a 35. Thank you for entering the contest and the best of luck to you. Kahy


  • ShiningNShadows
    March 13

    Edit | Reply
    This is an incredible write. I love it! You penned it beautifully and I loved how you gave each sense a stanza. It is a great technique. Very, very nice job. Good luck in the contest! Amazing write!!!


  • letters to no one
    March 10

    Edit | Reply
    For the stanza about sound I think it would be better if you put the question mark at the end of the very last line, as it is the strongest question.

    I also think the sight stanza should finish with a question mark.

    "taste.
    your seed, upon selfless lips
    as I choked back chunks of chaos;
    perfect panic, JD and coke
    textured like torture,
    remember when?"

    Love everything about this stanza =]

    Can I say maybe entitling the final stanza something different would be better as when I first read this, I saw "touch" and then "feeling" and I thought to myself, 'touch was already mentioned'

    I'm sorry if I'm being mean, I don't intend to be, either way this is an excellent poem

    Good luck in the contest,
    Shelly
    x


  • Zeprina-Jaz
    March 7

    Edit | Reply
    OMG I really love this!! I love how you've followed the feelings of love through each of the five senses... This is such a rich poem full of intriuging images and it's all very vivid. A fantastic write. But I'm sorry for your pain


  • etoile
    March 3
    Edit | Reply
    the title is: 'soliloquy of the senses'

1 - 7 of 7