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I Should've Let The Sun Shine On Me.

I'm sitting here,
I can't think clear.
I can see you near,
But then you disappear.

I'm standing there,
I stopped and now I stare,
This sight I can't bear,
I desperately need air.

In the background I will fade,
All because I was afraid
To step away from the shade,
I shouldn't have stayed.

I wonder how the present would be,
If I stepped out from under the tree,
And just let the words flow free,
And just let the sun shine on me.
Maybe instead of she, it would be me.

Write Whatever You Want, Be Brutal.

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments

1 - 6 of 6

  • k.a.s.s.i.e
    March 5

    Edit | Reply
    it's really good! some lines are a little too long though, and 'bare' should be 'bear'. that's all. otherwise it's a great write!

    kAsSiE


    • Mmhmmyeah
      March 5
      Edit | Reply
      Thank You, And Uhm.. Yeah About The Long Lines.. My Goal Is To Make It Rhyme Lol.. It Would Be A Miracle If It Makes Sense... I'm Getting Used To Writing Poems Though... I'm Just A Beginner. =]


  • Englandgirl2008
    March 3
    Edit | Reply
    Really well put
    together. i liked it.
    I was able to relate to it
    very well.


    • Mmhmmyeah
      March 4
      Edit | Reply
      Yeah, I Actually Wrote This For My Friend, Yesterday... But This Is How I Felt Not So Long Ago So It Was Easy For Me To Tune Into My Old Emotions.


  • Shinako
    March 3
    Edit | Reply
    It's so nice my cherry.


    I love the third stanza.

1 - 6 of 6