Days are gone and the dreams have past
Yet still their faces haunt the memory.
Will they ever say, "It is over at last"
Or will the memories chime forever the last melody?
Once, inseparable by the greatest bond,
Eternally singing the same whimsical song.
A friendship cannot describe what was so fond
No one could have guessed what would go so wrong.
So special the theater the night theey went,
The simplest touch electrified the souls.
At the door a message waited to be sent...
But was not, it was left alone and droll.
And now it seems forever ago
Since the day they let each other go.
Author notes
Ok so in my English class we are in poetry week! I'm excited. anyways the next couple of poems will be what I wrote in class on the spot so they won't be the best. But I am trying to expand my poetic abilities so I would REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY appreciate some feed back!
EDITED! hahaha I fixed it so now it flows a little better. This is a personal poem based on something that happened to me, BUT I changed the point of view and I love it! I re-wrote it to feel like you were watching it all happening through a glass window or something. anyways, constructive comments are still welcome! PLEASE!
As for the inspiration for this piece, yes it is about a guy that I have previously written about. This one isn't so angry though so that is an improvement. So a sonnet is supposed to be about romance and I really cannot and do not want to make up some sappy romance for the sake of making a sonnet lovey-dovey. I am a realistic writer, right now I cannot write what I do not think, believe, or see. So I chose to write about a lost love. It still counts as romance....it just ended.
what are your personal thoughts on this matter?
Comments
-
Believe me, my sonnets are a billion times worse. This isn't bad, I really like it. Tee. It flows really well. Question though, is it supposed to be in iambic pentamiter...because if so, then it is off. Just pointing it out. This is good, I like it.
~~Kitten
Adding your comment:
