The ocean spills out below me,
As my feet dangle over the edge.
Soft silky waves slide themselves,
Folding over each other as they glide into the rocks.
The night sky fills with amber stars,
Winking at me in a loving way.
My heart longs to be out there,
Where nothing of the world can touch me.
I long to bathe in the stillness of the waters,
And watch the sun as it peaks over the horizon.
Shinook breezes splash my face,
As I hold my hands to the sky.
Nothing is as serene as the oceans at midnight,
On a star-filled night,
When the only thing not smiling in the world
is you.
Author notes
This was hard for me to write, as I've never been to the ocean... but I hope it works.
A contest entry
- SOMETIMES BEAUTY IS A SILENT HARBOR by Swan song.
800 points, ended March 20, 2009, 10 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
So.... What'd ya think?
Comments
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I think you did a very fine job Kind of a sign of a good writer whan you can bring someone to a place when you never have been Chinnock ? for shinoock?
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For someone who has never been to the ocean, you have written this very well. I have always wanted to be on the shores of an ocean, with just the stars and me. very nice. It gave me a warm feeling.
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This is a very lovely and peaceful work. I feel the same way when around an ocean (indeed, even when far away from one). I certainly get a feeling of deep yearning from your piece. It's rather beautiful.
Two things: in line 4, "eachother" is not a word, as it's separated by a space -- "each other"; and for the last two lines of the last stanza, I think you should get rid of the comma -- "when the only thing not smiling, in the world is you" doesn't look as good to me as "when the only thing not smiling in the world is you."
Also, a question: this could be my ignorance and it probably is; but what is "shinook"?
Gorgeous piece you've created. I would applaud but I am devoid of any points =[
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