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Seasons

SPRING
A flighty young thing in a loose flowing gown.
Her fresh young face a sure promise of sun.
When dreary days have been getting us down
Her antic actions hold a hint of fun.
****OR
A flighty young thing in a loose flowing gown;
The wind blowing round makes it hard to keep down.
The fresh smiling face with its promise of fun
Is turning to green in the returning sun

SUMMER
A red faced comic with a spinning bow tie
Stands four square in his coat of green.
Laughing so hard he's going to cry
Though across his brow no clouds can be seen.

AUTUMN
A dowdy spinster dressed in tweed
Once bright colours now fading fast.
Former glory going to seed
Occasional flashes of things that  have passed.

WINTER
A cruel old man in his white flannel suit
Wrapping the world in a clean soft sheet.
An unforgiving  blustering brute
Eager to blow you off your feet.

Which version of Spring do you prefer?

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments

1 - 16 of 16

  • so-fear
    June 1

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    love it

    A flighty young thing in a loose flowing gown;
    The wind blowing round makes it hard to keep down.
    The fresh smiling face with its promise of fun
    Is turning to green in the returning sun


    all of those things are right!

    • I rather like that bit myself as I said in reply to an earlier comment Marilyn Munro was in there somewhere
      Thanks for reading and writing.
      Jim

  • Very nice! :-) Seasons are very poetic. I enjoy this muchly. I never actually thought about each of seasons like this. I think I like Winter and Spring. Thank you very much for entertaining me.
    -- Mozart

  • personally the first spring sits better on the toungue even though the meter in the second is more tuned.This has great imagry, just brings my toungue alive like that fizzy stuff you have as a kid, poppin candy i think its called
    nice write my yorkshire friend, I love this piece

    • I-Like-Rhymes gold member
      March 20
      Edit | Reply
      Thank's for stopping by and leaving your thoughts.
      I think you are describing what we used to call sherbet fizz when I was young (long ago).
      I too prefer the first sprong image, it was actually a rewrite of the other.
      Jim


  • theVIP
    March 11
    Edit | Reply
    I love the whole thing. Great interpretation. I like the second spring better.


    • I-Like-Rhymes gold member
      March 12

      Edit | Reply
      Thanks for your comment Veronica. It seems I am outvoted on Spring but it's hard to ignore public opinion.
      Jim


  • bigperm gold member
    March 9

    Edit | Reply

    both versions are full of merit...

    I would have to side with the second due to its pace. It seems to carry a better flow. I am quite taken by your rendition of Autumn, however. Very whimsicle, yet descriptive.

  • i absolutly adore the second version of spring, it has more vest to it which you would expect with spring, its awsome love it!!!
    as for the rest of the poem its great, a really great expresive write,

    • Well that makes 2 - 0 for the second stanza [2 - 1 If I vote as well ]. I like the idea of spring in a vest
      Jim

  • Aries gold member
    March 4
    Edit | Reply

    Great

    Wonderful take on the seasons I like Spring
    with its hope for better things to come lovely

  • loafy
    March 3

    Edit | Reply
    2nd version is definetly better. Thought I think you should write a narrative to acompany each season stanza, and have like a poll vote. It'll be cool.

    • Interesting! It was actually the first one I wrote and I had the famous Marilyn Monroe picture in my mind at the time. However I considered it a bit too obvious. maybe i'll have to think again.
      Thanks for reading and writing.
      Jim

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