Close to the ground I sat
You - cold covered in crushed earth.
Earth now standing seemingly untouched and flat
Your life left me, praying for spiritual rebirth
Wind whispers through the trees
"Why did it have to end this way?"
Dangerously distracted, I watch falling leaves
Puncturing wounds from that last painful day.
It was so easy for you to leave me wasn't it?
Without you, you thought I could stand alone.
Just as a crinkled leaf crushed under a car - I am split
and just like my life, all I have left to do is roam.
But here you are, dark, dead, deceased
And just like this poem, your breaths have ceased.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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This is especially meaningfull to me.
My husband was killed so I understand where you are coming from and the meaning this holds.
It is a very sad and lonely write, you have expressed/described so well one of the feelings of someone who has lost someone they love to deaths intentions.
The imagery is chilling it is so accurate.
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wow. this was very good. i love these lines :
Without you, you thought I could stand alone.
Just as a crinkled leaf crushed under a car - I am split
and just like my life, all I have left to do is roam.
but the last line, first part of it, does seem to feel out of place with the rest of the poem. -
Not bad. One of the lines that stood out was "You - cold covered in crushed earth." i liked the way it sounded.
i really like the poem as a whole but the last line...first half of the last line rather doesn't quite seem...right. i believe if the poem wasn't self-referential then it wouldn't seem as awkward as it does...to me. Someone else may think it's brilliant. To each his/her own. lol
Thanks for sharing.
-vince
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