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Fallen. Captured

Falling from the heavens
a flaming angel
screaming like a meteor
too hot
too bright
too brief

shattered at my feet she falls
broken
lost

Crimson tears on marble cheeks
she moans
she weeps
alone

I pick her up and hold her tight
her broken wings can give no flight

I kiss away each ruby tear

her hearts beats soft

I smell her fear

I hold her close
I chain her soul

I bring her in
I make her whole

with every bloody tear I taste

her warmth returns
such failing grace

I smile soft
I weep in joy
my Muse returned?
In a broken toy?

Please tell me what you think

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments

  • kdom
    March 3
    Edit | Reply
    really love it except for the last line, mostly just the word toy. The connotation of the word toy in association with a woman sends the poem to a different place for me. (I like the use of broken in that line.) But I really do like this poem, leaves me with a kind of surreal feeling.


    • Dark Prince
      March 4

      Edit | Reply

      Thanks kdom

      poetically, no "toy" may not be best, "pet" would have been almost worse. But this was written with a very special woman in mind and the special relationship we have, it is the best word. The object of this writing was moved to tears, so in that sense I was most fullfilled. I am glad you liked it and if you think of a better word for a woman who is like unto a broken doll...hmm "doll" mayhapse that will work. I must consider.
      Anyway thanks for the kind thoughts, please feel free to make a suggestion for a better word