Once again I see the broad sky
strained under full black clouds,
And the trees slump weary
letting slip their last traces of color,
while the bushes all huddle
from the endless rapping of rain.
Yes, I am rolling with the seasons now,
and each has a pleasant familiarity,
like an old friend, like this coffee,
that only tastes richer as the years pass by,
and the music, that sinks ever deeper,
only now it makes me nostalgic, rather than hopeful.
I have turned a corner.
It’s beginning to win – gravity,
like a current, dragging me out to sea,
only now I am not splashing or swimming,
just floating, with my eyes on the stars.
Author notes
Prompt 4 - General About Nature. This captures a moment, when looking out of a train window at the damp, green fields of autumn Warickshire in England. Thank you for reading it!
A contest entry
- press rewind by Jersene.
1500 points, ended March 26, 25 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Nature Lovers by StormyDawn.
1000 points, ended March 18, 15 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Time by Palas Kumar Ray.
900 points, ended August 16, 39 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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This is a nice poem with vivid imagery.This poem also represents a time segment in which we all step in some time or other.however this is not the whole I want to get in my contest"Time". Thanks a lot for entering and best of luck.
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I liked the melancholy mood and the gentle surrender to the passage of time.
A bittersweet poem. Very nice.
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A very very lovely poem with wonderful imagery. I love your writing style. A pleasure to read. Very interesting. Take care. Sandy
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Your imagery is beautiful. I feel as though, I could be riding that train. Nice use of poetic device; it works well with the nostalgic feel, and that feeling of overall contentment/acceptance. Enjoyed. Thank you so much for your entry
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There are some beautiful lines here - "Just floating, with my eyes on the stars." That ties it up very nicely. You've made it wonderfully nostalgic.
Enjoyed your write. Congrats on the silver trophy.
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Lovely, I really like this, well done for your silver!
Capitals at the beginning of lines were the 'norm' in poetry writing until very recently. I think it actually suits this poem, I like the way it gives pause at the beginning of the lines, but in another poem in which there are run on lines which are meant to be said without pause (ejambments) it is better to only have capitals where they would normally be.
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Very nice write. It has good imagery as well. Best of luck, and thank you for entering the contest.
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Thank you so much for the silver. It's such a pleasure to have a poem appreciated! You've made my day
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This poem flows well, each line supporting the next and as punctuation and grammar go, it is well done. You used several poetic devices well: personification, simile, metaphor, symbolism, imagery.
As for the capitalization there is nothing that says you can or can't, as long as the punctuation and line breaks support the ideas and thoughts. I prefer to not, but that is personal opinion. If I were to give to pieces of advice I would revise out the couple of cliche's you use, line 13 and also less important line 7. Also in the last 7 lines you use 5 personal pronouns which I may try and reword to take a 2 to 3 of them out.
None the less the poem was understandable and enjoyable and meets the requirements of the contest.
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Thanks a lot for the advice. I really appreciate getting feedback like this. I'll consider what you've said and will look at the poem again.
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