Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

[ I loath the heavy breath of lust so hot ]

I loath the heavy breath of lust so hot
Exhaled upon my neck. It makes me sick
And your pretending that you're pure
Is just as horrid to endure.
Whether you lie
When you deny
Or forgot
I do not care! Just leave and quick.

I can't abide the smiles of impure thoughts
Involving me. It makes me cringe and sweat
As if the devil's eyeing me. You see,
This is the feeling you've instilled in me!
And you can claim
You have no shame
But you ought!
For causing me this deep regret.

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 13 of 13

  • Kathraina silver member
    April 2
    Edit | Reply
    Wonderful piece! I love the raw emotion here.
    Great job!
    Bravo!!!


    ♥ kate


  • Sokarjo
    March 14

    Edit | Reply
    Oh so fascinating. I love this... it almost seems as if the regret should not be yours but another's. And yet... a spectacular write. It has an interesting flow and a unique look and feel. I love how you make magic with words.


  • PerVirtuous
    March 12

    Edit | Reply
    Interesting, intruiging and entertaining. I can't identify as I do not believe in regret. it is well written and compelling.


    • Frodofan silver member
      March 12

      Edit | Reply
      I don't know how you can not believe in it. If we have no regrets, we can hardly improve ourselves as people, can we?

      • PerVirtuous
        March 12
        Edit | Reply
        If we do our best, what would we have to regret? We make mistakes and we recognize what we should have done different, but why would one ever regret doing their best? To me, the only time we should have regrets is if we intentionally did not do our best. I avoid those times.


        • Frodofan silver member
          March 12
          Edit | Reply
          Good points. I don't think anyone ever entirely avoids those times when we fall short of our best though.


  • hugh wyles silver member
    March 6

    Edit | Reply

    Dear Frodofan,

    I just happened upon this recent poem of yours and was very impressed with the masterly (or is it mistressly?) way you handled your meter and rhyme-scheme. The sudden shortening of lines adds to the invective of your words and your expression of disgust is forthright and convincing.
    Well done!
    Applause and love (poetic, not impure or lustful!)


  • Gwenevere
    March 5
    Edit | Reply
    Well said

  • Eusebius
    March 3
    Edit | Reply
    very, very different for you! more like a rant than a poem, no??? fine!


  • Kikai Ni
    March 3

    Edit | Reply
    I think you meant "feeling" instead of "filling" in the second stanza. The second line from the bottom seemed a little cut off, but at the same time it seemed to add emphasis.
    Your tone wavered a little between strong and weak, but I think that was part of the message. I really like this one. It's contemptuous.


    • Frodofan silver member
      March 3
      Edit | Reply
      Yes, thank you! Sorry about that. I was trying to type it up fast before I had to get to work.


  • Whitemaiden
    March 3
    Edit | Reply
    Wow

1 - 13 of 13