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Should a sparrow kiss a magpie on the first date


on a tuesday:
she whetstones the front step
polishes up life
on the street; the pavement looks tired like her feet

but her face

her face is clean
brighter than yesterday's dew and the foggy start
wintery dullness passed

people notice her more

inside a state of sharp
rather than stone

carved out of granite
a fine specimen
all shiny and smoothed by the hands of man








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Comments

1 - 12 of 12
  • Sparow
    April 8, 2009
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    i thought it was a sparrow poem...oh well....interesting poem..a hard working write..


  • Cat gold member
    March 10, 2009

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    i love the final stanza best--

    i love the use of whetstone also.. i have used that
    and think it is just such a great image-- you use it beautifully

    not digging the repeat of you.. but this is a strong piece and that is a minor point..

    m


  • T-Dizzle Mcnizzle
    March 7, 2009

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    Very well written. The title threw me off, but you are talking about a step being washed and because so more noticed. At least that is what I see in this piece. I love how you put it together. Was this a picture prompt?


  • AJ Morelli gold member
    March 7, 2009
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    i really like this one Gill, especially the close which is simply excellent...


    al


  • Peteskid gold member
    March 3, 2009

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    we can seem to be a lot of things but we might always have to be a product of the things we have experienced, the unforgettable things, that make us who we are... this is excellent ...PK


  • Ca ne fait rien
    March 3, 2009

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    You just don't see people scrubbing the steps anymore do you. Funny that. It was such a symbolic thing. I always ook at the steps in the small towns and villages. They tell so much about the generationa who have lived in a house, wearing the treads away. Sometimes, I can see them , see the women cleaning them , hauling the babycarriage up and down, the men in their clogs and hobnail boots... the women scrubbing their footprints away again...


  • tara wilson gold member
    March 3, 2009
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    i love this...

  • silverfish
    March 3, 2009

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    some poems i just read and move on. this one i want to gather up all the precious words like gem stones in my shiny smooth hands. if i had hands. -igneiousfish


  • Jersene gold member
    March 3, 2009

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    this feels like a coming-around sort of piece...the skies clearing, things can't get any worse, so they can only get better...I like this, and how it fits the prompt, but in a uplifting way. Enjoyed


  • Rowan gold member
    March 3, 2009

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    sounds like a renewal, not an earthshaking sort, but a quiet sort of acceptance. I like this alot, Gill.

  • Suzanne Dia
    March 3, 2009

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    hehe
    i love you, you know that?

    yes.. even the dull end can hurt
    but something always gives
    and i feel that here
    enjoy it, my sexy nurse.


  • poeticweaver gold member
    March 2, 2009

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    Perfect piece for the given prompt! I wish you all the best in this contest, you sure are creative, and I always enjoy my visits. Peace, and take care my friend. Much love, Timothy aka poeticweaver~

1 - 12 of 12