To the naked eye, all that remained upon his linen
Were traces of the night's nourishment - a carcinogenic stain.
Inconspicuous were the vestiges of my nails,
Silent, the laughter and satisfied whispers
Which alighted, from my trembling lips, on his pillow.
Author notes
Prompt: Fabric
In a list
- Love And Lust • next in list
- My Favourite Pieces • next in list
- Personal • next in list
- HMs • next in list
A contest entry
- Contest Best Prewrites From March 2009 by amaranthine lover.
1400 points, ended April 22, 32 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What do you think?
Comments
1 - 19 of 19
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Interesting, yet passionate, I find it interesting what our brains interprete and what it doesnt, sometimes it misses things, hopefully i will know more about that in september when studying psychology.
Thank you for entering. -
Thank you for your Entry
I love this. It's quite passionate for a simple piece. Your words show the things we never quite see, that are there but just out of reach. Delicately beautiful.
Thank you for entering my contest and good luck
Shari
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You say so much with so few words. That is a talent. This is just so vivid and rich in imagery and atmosphere and feeling that you keep just under the surface.
Excellent.
Garrison
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Oh my, this is really good. "To the Naked Eye". The whole thing is perfect but I like the way you said that at the beginning and never elaborated.
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23.5/25
An amazing scene caught here! -
damn what an amazing take on that prompt..sensual and wicked. I love it!
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A short story whose brevity contains either passion or bloodlust, and leaves the reader wondering, was it a vampiress feeding, or a blissful romantic encounter,
scratched in sated flesh. An intriguing poem that leaves much to the imagination, as it should.~~~Artis
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Sensual and lovely..
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Good imagery. A nice poem that you have written here.
-Nam
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well you didn't miss the contest, but this is one that grabs me with its captivating vocabulary and concise nature. i don't have the heart to remove this lovely piece. thanks for entering.
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Short and sweet
just a glimpse
a powerful one -
lol i didn't do it
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Short & sweet yet full of beauty & emotion.
Your language is brilliant in this
and the meaning- speaks volumes..
Thanks for sharing & best of luck
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Were traceof the night's nourishment
That was mine favorite part to. Very well written, word intense emotion.
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Errrmmmmmm this is interesting. I like this a lot. You have a very creative poem here all in five little lines. I like this very much.
The positives:
Great vocabulary in this nice to see a poem with something to it. You also have a very smooth rhythm that I really like.
The Negatives:
None really this was an exceptionally well written poem.
My favorite part:
Were traces of the night's nourishment - a carcinogenic stain
Makes me giggle I am going have to go smoke now. You absolutely evil lol. I am adding you to the finalist list. Thanks for entering.
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Oh this sounds quite dark to me. Such a creative and intriguing take on the promtp.
Thank you so much for your entry.
Gaylene
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Wow. I need a cigarette now.
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