Daddy's Princess no more

I once was his princess the apple of his eye
the one he would play with and swing real high
I remember the laughter we shared and the piggy back rides
I remember him telling me he loved me and would protect me from harm
but like a kite that runs out of air and falls fast to the ground
I switch from being his loving princess
to being  something he despised
maybe it was something I did that made him change.....
or maybe it was our poverty that made him this way
the earliest memory of his abuse was when I was at least six
my big brother had put marker all over my dolly so I got mad
I took his Sylvester doll and tour it in half and laugh..
he got so mad that he ran towards me with a fist.. and hit me in the eye
I ran to my mommy and my dad got real mad
he locked my brother in the room with him
I remember the screaming for help as the belt kept ringing in my ears
he was hit too many times for me to count..
I could never forget his shrilling sound
he yelled so loud for mercy but their was none....
I screamed for my daddy to please stop
my mama just stared at me and told me to shut up
that this wouldn't have happened if you had only played nice.
then the beating stopped just as quickly as they had started
then the door opened... he told me to come inside...
my legs were so shaking I could hardly walk..
as I walked thru the door I noticed my brother laid half naked on the bed..
his back was towards me as he whimpered in pain
a bunch of red marks covered his small legs
then I knew what was in stored for me next...
he held a huge leather belt in his hands and told me to take off my clothes...
I obeyed... and looked him in the eye....
for the first time I remember I felt his angered.. cut thru me..
as he hit me with the belt...I remember screaming for help
but no one ever came.. not that day... not ever...
this was the beginning of my hell...
for many years I wished for death to come and end my pain
I pondered suicide many times
but the love for my brother and sister kept me alive
they wouldn't have no one to protect them if I died..
and only that thought kept me alive...
for many years I tried to please him.. to do things right
to make the daddy I once knew come back....
until one day I made a funeral of the dad I once knew...
I remember I was twelve sitting in my room unable to cross my legs
because of the beating I just took
I cried in my bed thinking of the days
when I was my daddies little girl
remembering the times he held me tight..
and kissed me good night...
I wished those days never existed...
then I wouldn't longed for something I could never have again..
the man my dad was a long time ago.... is not who he is now..
so in my mind... wanting to guard the good times...
I told myself that my daddy had died.. a long time ago...
the man that I knew now as my father was a fake....
an impostor trying to take his place..
so in my mind I held a funeral...
for the father I once loved... and was dear to me...
I shed my tears and placed a flower on his grave
and mourned the loss of a great Dad...