Live up to expectations,
stay away from temptations.
Appreciate the little things,
take advantage of what god brings.
Give up all bad things for even i had to sacafrice,
I know this from my little experences in life.
Many times your heart will break,
Boys and girls we make mistakes.
The people who hurt you will pay,
Everyone faces a judgement day.
Don't give up the postive energy,
For god is here for you and me.
Take his hand and understand,
togeather you and him shall stand.
Inorder for you to be free,
You must let go and let things be.
No ones perfect not even me,
Sometimes will get hard you must believe.
People of the world hear my cry,
Please just give god one try.
please do what is right.
A contest entry
- expectations by Majija.
550 points, ended March 7, 10 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
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I think that you put too much energy into the rhymes. Instead of creating flow, it kind of destroyes it. Sorry, just my opinion.
But I really like these lines:
"No ones perfect not even me,
Sometimes will get hard you must believe."
words of wisdom. -
Very Good
Hiya hun. I very much enjoyed the message you give with this poem and agree with you whole heartedly. I would then humbly agree with the first two posters, and remind you that we all need gentle guidance in the right direction sometimes! What I think you will find amazing is to look back at your progress as you move forward with your writing! Most important, keep it up! Express yourself as you have and continue to grow!
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A lot of wisdom shared here from the heart. Our expectations are an aspiring goal, we just have to learn a happy medium so we don't set ourselves up for failure.
Rheea has already touched on the basics I would have left here, so I'll not repeat the grammar and such.
It seems you enjoy writing rhyme and have done a fair job of it. The meter (flow of lines) needs some work here and there, but with time and practice you will become a pro
If you'd like some help with different rhyming forms, or anything for that matter, I'm just an IM away.
The most important thing - Let the ink flow!
many blessings, Sandi
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You have a very special poem, Always write from your heart like this is the advice I can give you. The gram-mer police will be all over you lol in most contest so you need to use spell check sweetie for capitalization and spelling. We all use it. They are very just beginning so do not let it hurt your feelings tell them in your author notes you are new and learning form and read the beauty ... you have the talent and it will just get better and better.I have a real problem with my gram mer . I have you on my favorites write on poet write on. let me know how you are doing.
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