The outhouse was a simple shed
where courtiers dropped their loads;
King Hugh decreed, "Get out the lead,
improve this shack before I'm dead,
and please observe the codes!"
Within a day the court was thrown
in frenzies for a plan:
the simple little shed had grown
to grand proportions, reason flown
from every mind of man.
The codes resided in the book
CIDASA studied well.
The Chief Designer had a look
from top to bottom, eye and hook,
with sadness, truth to tell.
"The code says this, the plan says that,"
said Sanity, "but worst -
if you had worn a smarter hat,
or had the wit God gave a cat,
you might have called me first.
The code is plain, I'll point it out,
an outhouse needs a pit,
and strong foundations round about,
so ladies won't have any doubt
or fear when using it.
Above the footings build the walls,
and don't forget the door!
Leave out the marble, and the halls,
but run a pipe to Rainbow Falls
for sluicing off the floor.
The King has given me the charge
of all the new designs.
You've made this outhouse much too large,
as big as Cleopatra's barge!
So let's redraw some lines."
Within an hour the plan was made
to suit the building code.
The contract went to local trade,
who worked a day while courtiers played
on lutes and sang an ode.
On Saturday King Hugh approved
the castle's new latrine.
Facilities were much improved,
and even though the place had moved,
they liked the change of scene.
by MOWMAM Margaret
Author notes
CIDASA (Chief Interior Designer And Sanity Arrangements) Sanity.
A contest entry
- Huguenauties Contest No.#42 for MEMBERS OF HUGH WYLES FAVOURITES GROUP ONLY by huguenauties.
750 points, ended March 24, 2009, 19 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Thank you for reading.
Comments
1 - 32 of 32
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Congratulations, Margaret, on winning Silver for your imaginative yet practical plans for the castle's new latrine!
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Thank you Maureen. I had fun imagining the circumstances, and the silliness came out by itself.
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Aha! Now the Royal Latrine is silver plated!!!!!
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Hehe! We will have to hire a silver polisher.
thanks for the visit M-C!
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Congratulations on the silver, Margaret I really enjoyed your poem.
Dee
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Thank you Dee. I'm glad you like it.
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Congratulations my friend on your lovely shiny Silver trophy.
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Thank you Joan!
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Now, how did I miss this delightful poem until now?? Did you slip this in when I was playing hookey, Margaret??
It is a mighty pretty place, too bad it'll have to be so full of crap all the time.
But your poem has disguised it well and we can always call it the reading room
Best of luck in the contest
Dee
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Thanks, Dee, I guess I popped this in when you weren't looking.
The great thing about the Huguelot building code is that when "Royal Privies, Latrines and Outhouses" are completed correctly, there is nothing to offend the senses.
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Dear Margaret,
It is so well designed you would never know it was an Outhouse. Well done and kudos to you and Sanity for building it for the huguenauties group and visitors to the Castle.
Love Jen
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The outhouse is beauty
as is your tale of its creation!
It had me smiling from the humor and flowing in the rhyme.
A very fun read Margaret.
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Thank you Pix. Once I get started the story goes its own way, so humour is found in between the lines. While your character is wacky first-person, mine is a semi-serious third. I'm happy you enjoyed it. The real pleasure for me is fitting the ideas to meter and rhyme. Best of luck in the voting!
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Dear Margaret, The outhouse looks grand, I love the flower pots on each side of the door. You have created the bestest outhouse I've seen.
Hine
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Thank you Hine - when my fantasy Sanity gets going, she does a great job!
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excellent~
Loved this
Thanks for cheering up my morning......
Best of luck in the contest
Hope you come give mine a read as well sis
Susan~~~
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Thanks Susan, cheering you in the morning made my day.
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The most mudane ascends to fame
under the spell of Margaret G!
Lucky latrine, to be your subject!!!!!
M-C
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Thanks so much M-C. I've added a photo of the complete outhouse, which as Hugh noted in my previous poem, has room for three.
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Even flowers outside!
Hmmm...a tri-latrine?
Oh, I never could have lived
in a time without modern conveniences!!!
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I thought I commented already. I know I read it. I thought I even started my comment...Sometimes my mind wanders...I know Margaret..."What is new?"
I haven't seen Sanity in ages, is she still around or just avoiding me? lol
I'm almost tempted to build a one room log cabin and move to the woods and build myself an outhouse and just ignore the outside world as much as I can. Nice dream but I'd miss WalMart, lol.
What does our King do with all his money? We still don't have in door plumbing!
Thank goodness while we were building the new outhouse, that there is woods nearby!
How do people make one line comments? I can't get mine down to less than ten, lol.
Ah, it's too beautiful to use, the new "King's Throne." I'll still use the woods for while still.
Fun stuff Margaret with a G.
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I haven't seen Sanity for years, but I sent her a link in case she logs in. I hope life continues to be good for her.
Living in big cities, I can fantasize about country life, but being there is something else again. King Hugh noted once that he was lucky to have inherited Huguelot, because he could not afford to buy it. If that is so, we are lucky to have a new privy fitted up so well.
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Ah! I apologize for calling our king a cheapskate.
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Oh what a beauty
Dear Sweetpea, Ohh our new dunny sounds very grand and I'll be by as soon as I can to view the marvellous architect.
A wonderful poem to grace the pages of our #42nd contest.
Good luck my friend.
Love Joan
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Such cleverness I haven't seen
since last you spoke of our latrine.
Enjoyed your fine rhyming scheme
(though seems a 'waste' writ' on this theme).
Well done, Margaret! Best of Luck in this contest!
♥ Maureen
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Thanks very much Maureen! Well, I say, if you can't write a silly poem in a gorgeous form, then life is entirely too stiff! This was fun to write, and I'm happy you had fun reading it.
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Dear MowMamMargaret,
Your reconstructed box of thunder
is rated by the purists
as an architectural wonder
which attracts great floods of tourists.
It isn't just the scene
which excites romantic souls
for everyone who's been
has admired its triple holes.
And for those who're feeling tired
of the hectic castle capers
there's much to be admired
in the basketful of papers.
But what's appreciated more
is the twin self-closing, swinging door.
The fact that 419 tourists daily visit your neo-classical thunderbox, (compared with 9 who go to view Yem's dungeon and torture chamber) is testament to the pioneering foresight and assiduity with which you and Sanity campaigned for the upgrading of this important part of the Castle facilities.
Your poem is testimony to your great achievement.
Good luck in the voting.
Applause, love and hugs, XXX Hugh (R.)
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Bless you
for remembering the previous poem! It is a fine house custom built for the purpose.
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nothing short of clever ..
A most enjoyable cadence sounded within this cleverly created poem of humor! I had to wonder from whence it originated but was pleased to see that change is a good thing and modernization will allow the King and his court to enjoy their morning p(h)ew ... j y
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Thank you Joy - it may not be the funniest poem, but the form is amusing in itself.
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Hilarious Perfection!
I'm laughing so hard here this morning. Your muse knows no bounds my sweet friend.
I'm loving these quints, the staggared meter was superb and brought a most lyrical pen that danced down the page in perfect accompaniment to your witty tale.
Best wishes, this is stamped Gold for sure!
*tweet!*
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Thank you dear Wilma, I'm happy that your sense of humour was tickled.
The stanza form is fun to write, I like the third longer line thrown into ballad meter, and abaab rhyme is always fun.
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