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I'll be here, waiting.

Inbetweens letting me catch the

colour of your eyes, moonlight

draping langourous shades of

pale light across shivering frames.

Your hand loosly held in mine, lips

uttering reasons for gentle tears.

Whispers of the wind tracing hairs

across your cheek as I reach for you

to hold. Promises a subtle reminder

that my soul belongs to you.

Clocks strike echoed - your grip falls

from mine to your side, silently I

urge you to look but your eyes don't

quite meet mine. Lingering on lips, a soft

touch and brief kiss - though it feels like

eternity that we've been standing like this.

I watch your back as slowly you walk away,

pausing to look back before you

reach the gate.


It seems colder now, emptiness resides -

thick clouds rolling over the moon

blocking all its light.

Author notes

This is another poem that I kinda started to come up with whilstin the shower. =D

I entered this a prewrite into a contest, as option 1. I am not sure if it will make you cry but writing this made me feel sad..

Addition - Don't think people will get my use of the word 'inbetweens' so here is an explanation to why I use it. I was making 'inbetween' an actual something... its meant to relate to more than one thing,.. pauses, sighs, sentences, looks... and inbetween all those moments is when they catch eyes... the inbetweens... plural so.. yeah thats why it says that ^_^ ... hope thats clear =D

In a list

A contest entry

What did you think?

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Comments

1 - 61 of 61

  • Fail-me-not
    August 17
    Edit | Reply
    I love it, I can really relate to this poem , Your an inspiration . x

  • TheGiftofAnonymity
    June 20

    Edit | Reply

    awesome

    Even without your clarificaion on "Inbetweens," I was able to make sense of this. I thought it meant those clear spots of sky in-between curtains of clouds. But... I stand corrected.

    "Whispers of the wind tracing hairs
    across your cheek as I reach for you"

    I FELT that! Pure genius, Raven. Excellent poem you have here.


    • morgana raven Greeters member
      June 20
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you very much for the comment on this your version of imbetweens would also work nice maybe its good that people can read that word differentely and see their own image I'm creating.


  • GothicFyre
    May 22

    Edit | Reply
    I really enjoyed this, it deserved its trophy. I'd have given it silver but there we go; I did feel sad reading it.


  • dippy
    May 20
    Edit | Reply

    Your writting is very good i like your descriptivness (is that even a word?) anyway i loved it

  • RiddlesforRocks
    April 30

    Edit | Reply

    moonlight

    the moonlight only reflects light, i feel lonely the most when i am with another person, the light is hidden. I like the tenderness and sorrow of this poem.


  • sinkfloridasink
    April 29

    Edit | Reply
    ahhh, this is awesome I really enjoyed coming across this. It is truely art with words...fantastic poem you have here!!


  • carlylane
    April 22

    Edit | Reply

    Stunning.

    I have stood in that moment... and your poem once again brought me back to that place in time. An amazing write and great feeling.


  • blissfulreunion
    April 22

    Edit | Reply
    this reminds me of past relationships and missed oppurtunities but all in al i like the way you used the imagery too your advantage


  • The.poet.of.hearts
    April 7

    Edit | Reply
    a bit of dark
    i cn't rate it 100%
    it had flaws
    but still it had so much in it
    the touch remain colder

    by
    the poet of hearts and beautiful words

  • Eusebius
    April 6

    Edit | Reply
    In many ways I think this might be your best poem. Really, really excellent! (my only suggestion might be to do away with the final 3 lines, as that would make the piece even more striking.) Oh, did I say that I loved it? I do!


    • morgana raven Greeters member
      April 6
      Edit | Reply
      thank you very much for the comment. I like my last three lines as its supposed to enphasise a comparison of when they were together the light that was there, as I mention the moonlight across them as they are saying goodbye. The ending makes more of a point that they are both now very alone, and there is no light... its supposed to be very sad >: anyhow, thanks a lot for your comment, as always it is much appreciated ^_^

  • musiccraze2009
    April 4

    Edit | Reply
    I really love this background!! The poem is amazing and is definitely intensified by the background and the font. good job!

  • Kari gold member
    March 27

    Edit | Reply
    This just gave me chills. I loved the background that you picked with this because it makes you feel one with the ending. The emotions just ooze off from this poem. I also love the front and how you wrote it...


  • Gothic Star
    March 23

    Edit | Reply
    This was a lovely write and I really enjoyed some of the words that you used. The feeling and emotion in this is great. You write very prettily. This is lush.


  • poetmaster32
    March 18
    Edit | Reply
    well done.

  • amysticwriter silver member
    March 6
    Edit | Reply
    Very nice, I can personally relate to this one...


  • Zenda-Lokki
    March 6

    Edit | Reply
    Your words here are so delicate and leaves the reader to wipe away a tear before composing themself to comment.
    I love the background too, is very much infitting with the poem. A well deserved trophy winner and wonderfully written piece.


  • xkadiex
    March 4
    Edit | Reply
    'til do wel, i like it.


    • morgana raven Greeters member
      March 4
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you very much for the comment, also love the picture you have up, the 'ill just pretend to hug you until you get here' i love those little pon and zi cartoons things

  • wick3dlov3ly
    March 4

    Edit | Reply

    Wick3d!!!!

    I love your poem it really speaks to me. i got what you meant by "inbetweens" too. i got that very depressing mood in a weird way it was also nice too feel from a poem. you did a really great job. i love it. its absolutly the best.


  • TheMistakenTruth
    March 3

    Edit | Reply
    I knew what you meant by "inbetweens" I got a sorrowful warmth out of this as well...It was nicely done, feels as if it could go on though. So if you decide to go on with it. I'll be the first in line to finish reading it =) nicely done.


    • morgana raven Greeters member
      March 3
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you very much for the comment. I may write a follow up to be honest, though if I do the mood and tone may be quite the opposite, we shall see, either way thanks for the comment, I appreciate you reading ^^


  • Bombshell
    March 3
    Edit | Reply
    this is real deep and it truely did touch me =)


  • purgatorycomatose
    March 3
    Edit | Reply
    This flows and uses such wonderful words, portrays emotion and yet is very readable. Really good.


  • just4fun20
    March 3

    Edit | Reply
    wow it is so intence and so much emotion and if i wasnt in such a good mood i would be sad right now and you just did a perfect job at this showed the emotion so well great job and i really liked Your hand loosly held in mine, lips

    uttering reasons for gentle tears.

    it just really touched me


  • Mia2
    March 3
    Edit | Reply
    Great imagery flow. A poem worth the time. Very well done, Poetess.


  • bludstaindsoliloquy
    March 3
    Edit | Reply

    Loved it

    I know the feeling of day dreaming poetry in between monotonous daily routines. this one, however, is quite majestic. it speaks volumes in its luminous vocabulary and imagery. well written. Good luck in your contest my dear.

    one critical comment! "Inbetweens" at the beginning, did you mean "inbetween" . . . just wondering!


    • morgana raven Greeters member
      March 3

      Edit | Reply
      nono, I meant inbetweens, its not technically a word i dont think... but i was making 'inbetween' an actual something... its meant to relate to more than one thing,.. pauses, sighs, sentences, looks... and inbetween all those moments is when they catch eyes... the inbetweens... plural so.. yeah thats why it says that ^_^
      Thank you for your comment =)


  • SimplyNoodle
    March 3

    Edit | Reply

    Wow..

    This is a very emotional and well written poem, very visulant as well, I LOVE it, Great job and keep writting!!!!
    ~ Chelsey


  • Candy Morphine
    March 3

    Edit | Reply
    Your hand loosly held in mine, lips
    uttering reasons for gentle tears.
    -this is gorgeous.


    Clocks strike echoed - your grip falls
    from mine to your side, silently I
    urge you to look but your eyes don't
    quite meet mine.
    - can picture it happening like a heartbreaking movie. The imagery is flawless.


    The end is pure sorrow reflected in such honest words.

    you really have such a talent


    • morgana raven Greeters member
      March 3
      Edit | Reply
      I really appreciate you taking the time to read and comment ^_^ Thank you very much


  • Mariana gold member
    March 2

    Edit | Reply
    'It seems colder now, emptiness resides -
    thick clouds rolling over the moon
    blocking all its light.'

    A fitting ending to a beautiful poem. Bravo!

    Mariana  


  • Nosce te ipsum
    March 2

    Edit | Reply

    wow...

    very beauitful imagery here. made me feel like i was watching the love of my life walk away. that really was amazing!

    i really loved the last three lines. that was very powerful!


  • poet360
    March 2
    Edit | Reply
    OH and good job using an option that nobody else has so far!


  • poet360
    March 2

    Edit | Reply
    I'm a very overly emotional person, and this did make me cry! I'm all depressed now! (i blame you hehe!)

    This is excellently well penned! you did an amazing job of conveying the emotions. I wish you the best of luck in my contest!


    • morgana raven Greeters member
      March 2
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you very much for the comment, I only wrote this poem earlier but then I found your contest... so thought why not ^_^ I am quite proud of this so I very much appreciate your comment =) I hope you get a lot of good entries ^^_^


      • poet360
        March 2
        Edit | Reply
        you should be proud of it!
        and i did get a lot of good entries....hehe i'm all for the entries! take a look my contest updates...i'm raving about the entries!!


  • Emerald-Eyes
    March 2

    Edit | Reply
    I like this In particular I find the last three lines very emotional. Well done, not bad for something done in a shower! Im' usually too busy trying to keep shampoo out of my eyes to anything like this haha


    • morgana raven Greeters member
      March 2
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you very much for the comment, it seems whenever im in the shower i think too much and get inspiration ahah =D


      • poet360
        March 2
        Edit | Reply
        that's funny! this is really weird, but my inspiration comes when i'm sleeping....did you know that everybody has about 20 dreams a night but you just don't remember them all?
        i think i'm an oddity since i remember most of my dreams in amazing details...and oddly enough that's where some of my inspiration comes from!!


        • morgana raven Greeters member
          March 2
          Edit | Reply
          haha to be honest i remember a lot of my dreams in very very vivid detail its where i get most of my story/novel ideas from =D


      • Emerald-Eyes
        March 2
        Edit | Reply
        I sometimes sing in the shower, but thats the extent of my creativeness in there haha. And it is a painful experience for anyone listening haha

1 - 61 of 61