sometimes i feel like you are going to a place
i cannot follow --
a road more traveled by
a tollbooth that exacts an incredible human sacrifice
when i have nothing left to give
and must watch you grow smaller
in the distance
so that it comes to this:
if i fled tomorrow,
i would only regret that i lacked
the courage to tell you
how very alive i have always been
how the girl inside me
tucks her hair behind small seashell ears
and occasionally thinks
she is as beautiful
as you
Author notes
happy birthday, veev.
that's our song now, isn't it?
i wouldn't have it any other way.
A contest entry
- pomegranate raspberry green tea. by notorious.
2233 points, ended April 8, 22 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
.
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
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"when i have nothing left to give
and must watch you grow smaller
in the distance"
God. I wish I wrote that.
*envies you*
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oh, gosh, this made me feel so good. not only is this beautiful, but you are as well....pretty little seashell 
Love, Lane
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your comments ALWAYS make me smile.
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"i'm not going to muck up this comment with a lot of gushing..."
Aw shit isn't that what I always do...haha.
You always seem to begin your poems in a way that gives me the vaguest sense of time - which I like. Like beginning them with 'if' or 'sometimes' for instance.
"a road more traveled by
a tollbooth that exacts an incredible human sacrifice"
You avoided cliché with the whole road-thing, made it a carcass on the side of the road and wrote a seriously (but unsurprisingly) good line.
"when i have nothing left to give
and must watch you grow smaller
in the distance"
Good time to pull out the :C face.
"if i fled tomorrow,
i would only regret that i lacked
the courage to tell you
how very alive i have always been"
goddamn...
do you mind if I have that read out loud at my funeral? (Which better not be anytime soon, but DAMN.)
Seriously. It evokes everything for me (and I sound like a dick for saying 'evokes', but hopefully acknowledging in this bracketed portion that I sound like a dick evens that out)
;
Jessica
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simply beautiful. i'm not going to muck up this comment with a lot of gushing...when something is wonderful to read there are no real words to express the feeling...just a big smile Love, Lane
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how the girl inside me
tucks her hair behind small seashell ears
small seashell ears. perfect. i love that ending.
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"if i fled tomorrow,
i would only regret that i lacked
the courage to tell you
how very alive i have always been"
Holy mother... that knocked the wind out of me. This entire piece was insanely strong and beautiful. It made me smile.
Brilliant.
♣ Tegan
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I like how complete and extreme this sounds... not sure extreme is the right word. The diction here seems so dedicated.
The last stanza is very beautiful, in particular. I can really feel it.
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how happy.and just a tad bittersweet.
i love the way you phrase things/.
...touching. somehow.
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Awww... such a sweet poem. For someone like Veev? jk, jk.
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we played catchphrase last night
YOU WEREN'T THERE
:'( -
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:'S
Did I ever tell you that after that night when we played it, I went home and made all my friends chip in to buy one? Now we play it at every party. But it's never as good as ours was. <3 *chocolate bear stands up* Everyone: "SIT DOWN!"
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how the girl inside me
tucks her hair behind small seashell ears
and occasionally thinks
she is as beautiful
as you
i really like that stanza
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beautiful...
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