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Bones

Just gone under 7stone,
but you can barely see a bone.

Perhaps if I lose a little more,
I'll finally be able to win this war.

Where food is the only enemy in sight,
but it's with myself that I have to fight.

If I ever get the urge,
I always remember to binge then purge.

Flush it out until it's gone,
but this time there's blood, what's wrong?

It doesn't matter anymore,
now I'm only 6stone 4.

For me there's no cure,
I've gone too far that's for sure.

Author notes

Please no copying or posting else where.
My second poem.

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    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments

1 - 7 of 7
  • Page Deleted.
    March 7

    Edit | Reply
    I suffer from anorexia, so this is something I can really relate to.

    There are a couple of grammatical errors you may want to fix up though.

    "But this time theres blood, what's wrong?"
    => there's

    "I't doesn't matter anymore,"
    => It

    "For me theres no cure,"
    => there's

    "I've gone too far thats for sure."
    => "I've gone too far, that's for sure."

    You don't need to capitalise the beginning of each line, either - it is something that most word processors do automatically, and a lot of new poets do as well, but really, it's not necessary.

    Best of luck with future pennings.

    ♥


  • lechap
    March 6

    Edit | Reply
    Strong write. Very descriptive, I like the interesting use of numbers. The aa bb cc rhyme scheme doesn't leave you a lot of room for innovation. Perhaps using a bit more slant rhyme will allow you to expand within this poem. Strong write though, keep pennin


  • DeadlyPoetic88
    March 6

    Edit | Reply
    Very nicely done. You may want to fix some minor grammar errors. I suggest reading through it again.
    Anyway I thought that this piece was very thought provoking.. It reminded me of how I used to be...

    -deadly


  • Gracie
    March 3
    Edit | Reply

    I think im going to change

    the line where it says theres no pretending anymore,to for me there is no cure,
    what are everyones thoughts on this?


  • anawarfare
    March 3
    Edit | Reply
    amazing poem. alot of emotion keep writing


  • Miss Faerie Greeters member
    March 3

    Edit | Reply

    Welcome to Allpoetry

    This is brilliant. It is a piece that shows the lengths that we can go to to lose weight and try to be the picture of society.

    I will be nominating this piece for the front page spotlight.
    Welcome to Allpoetry
    I hope that you enjoy the site, and if you have any questions please don't hesitate to ask

    Good job, keep writing!


  • Guerrero
    March 2
    Edit | Reply
    wow..this is only your second poem? wowwwwwww. your amazsing

1 - 7 of 7