There stands the Cottonwood Tree,
erected.
Pointing towards the sun,
it is wrapped about with prayers
in the hundreds
of hundreds.
Father had not asked before he touched me.
I had no choice in the matter
when he stole my innocence.
What is It that draws me to this
apparent mutilation of
my body?
Is This not my sacred instrument?
Or merely flesh.
The dancer went down the mountain,
his rope affixed to the tree.
His demon, alcohol, seized him there.
With it as companion
he drove into automotive death.
I came down from the hill, from the Moon camp.
I sweat and purify myself in preparation.
My teacher is nowhere I can find.
I hear the talk within the community,
learn the story of the child molester
so recently gone with Owl.
I speak with the Intercessor.
Might I take his place?
Atone for the deeds of my own dead Father?
THIS is the symbol that has brought me here,
drawn me onward during my times of preparation.
Ears hear.
Spoken of is the need to consider the community
and its peace.
My resolve wavers,
breaking upon the old fears
that I allow to rise.
Instead, four feathers flutter from my shoulder.
Their companion, the rope
does not bind me to the tree
with my Brothers.
It is left unused.
This teaches me about my patterns
as I dance for community.
How can the others think I am so sacred,
so special,
when I can see some of my flaws so clearly?
My teacher said:
"Giving a child birth is like a Sundance;
Once begun, the process cannot be stopped."
Decades later
I am still not sure
I understand.
From here it looks like most of my life
has been a Sundance Season.
Am I on day three or four?
Year three or four?
How much more dancing
with open heart
with yearning heart
with soul crying out
~ to be heard! ~
must I endure?
Must I endure?
Wakan Tanka, grant me the strength
for whatever my path is
to be.
Author notes
This is a "processing" poem (meaning that it was written as a means to help me process emotions I was feeling and that I needed to work through).
The Sundance (or Sun Dance) is a Native American ceremony/ritual. This is a story about parts of my actual experiences during my first year of dancing, and how they relate to the current experience of my life almost two decades later.
You can learn more about the Sun Dance at:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sun_Dance
http://nativeamericanfirstnationshistory.suite101.com/article.cfm/sun_dance_ritual
Author: B e a r W o m a n
My gratitude to Hetha for her invaluable assistance in refining/polishing this piece. 
In a list
A contest entry
- the audition round. by stargazer..
800 points, ended May 21, 54 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Anything!!! Pre-writes! Whatever! by MysteriousWhisper.
500 points, ended April 14, 87 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - in celebration of my one year on AP! :) by etoile.
2250 points, ended April 29, 35 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Best free verse for an anthology: OVWA Winklings # 182 by Lyndon.
2050 points, ended July 29, 39 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Prewrite Quickie by Blue-Rose Beauty.
650 points, ended August 19, 7 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
All polite critical commentary welcome.
Comments
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I love how this is filled with such raw emotion and great imagery. this is such a sad write, but at the same time I can see how this would give you strength by writing it.
goodluck and thanks for entering my contest
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Thank you!
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wow, i relate, my attack wasnt from somebody i knew but i know the feeling and this is a awesome way to come to terms with it
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Thanks, dearling.
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it sounds as though you were able to access those feelings. this was very well written and very original. great job and good luck in the contest!
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Thank you very much. Yes, the writing helps me more fully access, clarify, and then shift the feelings. I am so grateful to my best friend of teen years, who introduced me to both journal writing and poetry. Sometimes the combination of both works the best for me.
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You are not alone
You`re well on your way to recovery
Took me forty years to open my mouth
At that point I stalled standing like a tree
To this day not sure what love is about
I do find strength in my love for my God
It`s much easier than hating that slob.
Well done.....Bob 42
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Thank you, Bob 42.
Congratulations and my personal respect and honouring for figuring out how to access and continue your own personal healing process, however slow it feels to you. We each go at our own pace. I believe my father's invasions permanently affected my relational capacities and needs (especially sexual and love/romantic relationships). Since then I have achieved significant healing and am much more at peace with life than many people I know. Ironically, part of this was in response to the goad of wanting to have more functional and supportive relationships than the ones in which I was involved as a youngling. I therefore developed a drive to want to understand and implement how to do that.
I find it an important part of my healing process to share that process and its benefits with others, to convey "you are not alone," "someone is brave enough to talk about this openly, so maybe there will be a time when you are ready to talk about it also," and "there is hope for healing."
So please know that much healing is possible.
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The polish is evident on this piece as I read it before the revision but did not leave my words in response wanting words to absorb.
I am unable to assemble words that seem a fit enough response to such a potency of verse.
I could feel native influence all through and an
immense sorrow that so much can be held within
one's self-worth. Rituals are so important and many of us (women) do not realize how we add ceremony to daily life. How we nurture guilt and doubt in the name of love for another.
Thanks for writing and for inspiring as you have
done this with me. Blue
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Thank you, Blue. I am honored by your words.
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Very poignant, and brave of you poet, and you are a poet, because anyone who can share there pain or elation in great written detail, in my opinion, is a poet.
Welcome to AP dear.
All the best,
Mj.
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Thank you, Mj. For the compliments on both my poem and on my character.
And I AM enjoying myself here.
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Originality: (10/10)
Emotion: (9/10)
Poetic devices: (18/20)
Structure/flow: (10/10)
Cohension: (10/10)
Title relating to poem: (9/10)
Personal opinion: (10/10)
Syntax: (10/10)
Diction: (10/10)
Total:96/100
I asolutely loved this poem it made me sad at points but kept my interest i keep reading it over.I especially loved the parts in italics. -
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Thank you for your comments on my revision and for re-scoring my submission. I am pleased about the parts in italics. I used that device in part as an attempt to convey a distinction between the inner and outer experiences/narrative, and between more shallow and more deep parts of my inner experience.
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Wow! I love the changes and improvements you did make!
You bring in such a range of emotion and lasting impact with me. I'm glad I came back to review it a second time, it was well worth it, to see things with new eyes and understanding, and this version, brings so much more to the fore. Did I say Wow? It is brilliant and fantastic! I absolutely love it!
Namaste
~Hettie
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Your assistance greatly appreciated
Hettie, thank you very much for your in-depth and perceptive review of my poem and your invaluable assistance in helping me to see it with a more critical eye. Your private reviews helped me polish this piece into what I believe is now a truly finished product.
Namaste' The Bear!
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I am not sure what you have been going through. It has been well masked behind the Native American culture you use, I actually have had little to do with this culture and reading your work was educational for me. After reading the article in Wikipedia I actually caught much of the meaning behind the images and can say they were flawlessly used. Good luck in the contes.
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Decades later
I am still not sure
I understand.
This comes through as a very powerful statement
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Thank you. And thank you for your review.
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Originality: (10/10)
Emotion: (8/10)
Poetic devices: (16/20)
Structure/flow: (9/10)
Cohension: (8/10)
Title relating to poem: (9/10)
Personal opinion: (9/10)
Syntax: (8/10)
Diction: (8/10)
Total:85/100 -
This reads as very spiritual, exploratory, a living prayer. I can see that it is still a work in progress, there are some areas that do not seem to flow as well as they might, but then my mind is not flowing well right now, but I did want to try and participate before the poems were removed, Hope this makes sense.
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Thank you, it is all that for me. I hadn't intended to revise it. However, based on the commentary I am getting, I now plan to do so.
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When you said in your AN that this is a "processing" poem, I understood that to mean that this is a draft piece, that is still in progress. So far, I like what I see, and I would love to see this after you've had time to polish it up a bit. The imagery looks interesting, deep and full of meaning, beyond that it would be premature of me to comment critically. I get a very nature-based sensation, somewhat spiritual, with connections to memories and human emotions, throughout. If you would like me to help you, than I would be more than willing to do so. If you already have help, then good luck, peace and blessings to you.
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Thank you, please help me!
Thank you Hetha, for your valuable comments, and I gratefully accept your offer of help. By a "processing poem" I mean that I wrote this as a means to help me process emotions I was feeling (I will update my AN to make this more clear to readers).
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well, this is quite a lovely piece of art you have painted here. the flow feels of an intence yet gentle nature. though i must say i am not entirely sure as to what its talking about.
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Thank you. I will update my AN to include an explanation. Although I wish it were not required, most people will not know what a Sundance is.
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