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War at Sea

Tattered sails on distant shores,
          ...they drift...
rows upon rows of gunpowder hit;
winding, torn piano sheets with
stories of lies, death and deceit.

Choir of seals on blood kissed rocks
drown in the air in anguish
as waters brim from siren's aching screams.

Anger and violence left eternal stains
as two sets;
two group graves spiral down in abyss,
both washed away from sins,
embraced by ignorence down
with golden coins for their Ferryman.

Reasons for their perish boil
in the darkness, human demons stirr
like tar and demand for more and more,
until IT escapes the cauldron
and degradation floods the world... 

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments

1 - 10 of 10

  • Draig aine gold member
    July 12
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    thid is my sea, grey and restless as I watch from my window on a bleak and dreay summes day, lovely imagery capturs my imagination

    Anger and violence left eternal stains
    as two sets;
    two group graves spiral down in abyss,
    both washed away from sins,
    embraced by ignorence down
    with golden coins for their Ferryman.

    thank you for sharing



  • Blue Rew silver member
    March 30

    Edit | Reply
    Very abyssmal, this verse of treachery...
    But I take the sea as metaphoric for emotion
    and how what we hold dearest can betray us.
    Especially, if that affection is towards material
    things. I pick some of this up from the contrast
    of gold coins and tattered sails which seemed
    to speak to me of perceived riches and lackings.
    As always, whether dark or light, your writings
    bring forth vivid colours and original abstracts.
    Blue


  • wordcrafter
    March 29

    Edit | Reply
    Wonderful, just as I expected of you Harry, as I haven't read your poetry for a while.
    (PS two small questions: i) correct a mistyping: ignorance. ii) I am not sure about perish in the last stanza, are you using it as a noun? it is confusing, did you think of replacing it with "demise"?)
    I love this piece. Beatrice V.


    • DayDreamMuse
      March 29
      Edit | Reply
      Hi. I am so glad you made it here. It is a great community and I am so grateful for your comments. Thanks for the tips. I will see to them.


  • thepoetssoul
    March 8

    Edit | Reply
    Wow This is an impact piece of poetry wonderfully written indeed.
    Golden coins for the Ferryman, and the first stanza are brilliantly worded.
    The images are exellent, well done poet.
    Be blessed in all you do.

    Tony


  • Ithica silver member
    March 5

    Edit | Reply
    Imagery like this makes me cringe because it really isn't such a far leap from reality... Thanks for scaring the pants off me... with such a wonderfully wicked write!!!

    • DayDreamMuse
      March 5
      Edit | Reply
      You flatter me too much, but I accept it. *smiles* This is the near past in my mind. A bit poetic dramatism, but not far from how it was and how the principle goes and grows in today's society. I usually don't aim to scare people with my poetry, but as a horror fiction writer thank you.

  • I like the way you have used music in your opening verses to coincide with the sounds of war . There is strength in this write but I am wondering if you might not be able to pull music in again further down. The imagery is good, I can feel the anguish and shudder at the thought that "It"(the ultimate evil?) could unleash even more agony.

    • DayDreamMuse
      March 4
      Edit | Reply
      Thanks. So far the state of this poem is indefinite. I found it recently in my notebooks and I have no recollection of writing it. Quite the nice surprise. I think all my work needs expansion and editing, but so far I have had no ideas how to proceed. Stretching the music metaphors sounds logical. Thanks for the suggestion.

1 - 10 of 10