How often have I thought back to that night?
Not that I count the times
But how often have I killed you now?
If not physically then in my mind
I murder you, night
After night.
How often have I seen that car
Ram into you
Like a wounded bull into the toreador?
Even though I was not behind the steering wheel,
Even though I was not drunk that night--
As so many other nights I have been--
It might just as well have been me.
Why did you die, when I would have gladly
Taken your place? Call it repentance.
At least I should have committed suicide on that night,
Save someone else's loved one.
Hara Kiri with a ceremonial knife-
End this life of disgrace.
But I didn't. Maybe it is better this way-
Now I can murder myself
Night after night,
If not physically then mentally.
Author notes
Written February 25th, 2004
What did you think
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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Ah. I have nothing constructive to say about the poem. A little distressing but if anything I am sorry a loved one died. No platitudes either just a very sincere "I'm sorry that happened."
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Beauifully real.
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Remorse is a killing thing. It destroys the soul. Shakespeare knew this....wrote immortal words in which he ruminates upon the most effective means of ensuring freedom from such suffering: “To be or not to be…”.
Guilt and remorse are monsters that shake you awake in the night, a cold sweat at your back. Anyone who has known them had thought of suicide as an escape. But, as Shakespeare noted, we have no way of knowing whether such things may follow us past the grave…and, if they do, what a hell they would make of eternity.
Wonderfully written and astute look at this subject; very well done, in my opinion.
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Very interesting... and I'd be interested to know what inspired it - but I don't think it does need explanation. It's good to interpret it the way you want. So, anyway, I LOVE the way you've written this... GREAT poem!!!
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Excellent
That was just awsome. Too awsome for words... -
I think it was the music that persuaded you to feel these emotions, yeah thats it the music. Nah only kidding, I see that you write alot about society so to speak. This write was interesting, to gaze into the depths of your minds eye and see a part of your thoughts. Enjoyed reading through this, thanx for sharing and take care. No knife for me please!
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kicks ass
I can't belive I've never commented on this. This is incredible. I don't know what to say. Holy shit, this is awesome.
-Depressed Wavemaster -
incredible.
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this is a sad poem. i love the way it flows and all its just really sad. if this is based on something that has happend u should realize that everything happens for a reason and maybe that was suppose to happen on its own. dont blame urself just realize that it was fate
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Wow, that was great. Intense but not cheesily so. I love it, good job.
Amanda -
kind of creepy, but i loved it anyways. the descriptions and phrasing were so clear and i could almost see and feel what you were saying.... nice job,
-taori -
Wow!
Wow this is wonderfully written! I am not sure exactly what inspired it or if it is "true" or not. It definitely grabbed my attention. I like the starkness and simpleness-really effective with such a tragic subject matter. I will be back to read more!
Take Care-TGR (Theresa) -
Amazing... This really gave me chills. Stefan are you alright?
Great work... This is one of my favourites of yours. -
Interesting...love-hate perhaps? Definately vague...the murder turns into suicide in the end... I liked it, but it needs some explanation.
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1 - 14 of 14
8 old applause
