He has windmill planks for bones and summer sun for irises.
He has dilated innocence and clouds for hands.
For so soft is his touch, they say he must have fallen discreetly from the heavens.
And when she walked along,
His eyes were squashed and compressed into a small space in his chest.
He fell in love with the most beautiful of girls.
And she had stain glass lips,
Begging to be broken and smashed into an exquisite portrait of pain.
But he only wants to cup her mouth so nothing falls out.
Yet she was not the angel he wished her to be.
She was cruel, intentions full of malice and desiccated shark teeth.
She was awful.
She took his heart,
And shattered it as diamonds fell from the skies and plummeted to his face.
She broke him.
But still, he stood with a faltering hope that she would change,
That her sins would beg for absolution.
But never did her emotions warm.
Slowly, he cracked.
Like eggshells, he splintered into little pieces.
He became like those porcelain dolls.
Hollow.
And never did he trust those girls again.
Those girls with dismantled eyeliner and intriguing hair.
Those girls who feed upon gossip and fears.
Those girls who induce empty nights and lost tears.
Those girls who will haunt these boys for years and years.
Author notes
This picture is just fantastic. I had so much fun writing this!
Prompt:
http://jajitsu.deviantart.com/art/My-world-burning-around-me-111494447
A contest entry
- heck yes.... by written-in-ink.
400 points, ended March 26, 5 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - ~Unrequitted Love~ by vicisstus.
400 points, ended March 5, 12 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
If you wanted honesty;; Then that's all you had to say.
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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Bravo
That made the hairs on my neck stand tall. Really felt this one. Excellent piece.
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wow excellent write... normally the story is always that the boy breaks the beautifull girl's heart. nice to read it the other way around. great write!!!!! i can almost see the boy!! this was soooooo brilliant like the rest of your work! ur a great writer!
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This poem is great, like all of your writing. You did a wonderful job telling the story of this boy falling in love with a drop dead gorgeous but an evil person inside. Great job I loved it! best of luck in the contest
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you told a wonderful story here. i loved your imagery!
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omggg great pic and amazing poem to go along with it! my fav lines are "Slowly, he cracked.
Like eggshells, he splintered into little pieces.
He became like those porcelain dolls.
Hollow." this is so sad...its awful when a good guy comes around and falls 4 the wrong girls and gets his heart broken...good job
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First, critique:
And she had stain glass lips
I think it should be "stained" - It may sound funny, but I'm fairly sure that's what they're usually called.
Second, praise:
He has windmill planks for bones and summer sun for irises.
He has dilated innocence and clouds for hands.
+ Beautiful, much? Awesome imagery, I don't know how you create this!
And she had stain glass lips,
Begging to be broken and smashed into an exquisite portrait of pain.
But he only wants to cup her mouth so nothing falls out.
+ Utter gorgeous-ness. Gives a pouty look to her lips... at least for me. Dark-colored and pouty.
Those girls with dismantled eyeliner and intriguing hair.
+ Uhm... speechless. <3
I love, love, love this piece.
= envy.
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the images in this poem are awesome... i love your creativity!!!
"And she had stain glass lips,
Begging to be broken and smashed into an exquisite portrait of pain.
But he only wants to cup her mouth so nothing falls out."
this is a beautiful and original metaphor..
great write!!!
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This is excellent.
My only critique is for this line:
"But all he wanted to do was layer them with glue."
I personally think it's a bit...awkward?
the lines buliding up to it are incredible, and I think the 'glue' is maybe a bit not up to potential. :]
otherwise, this is so beautiful.
I don't know how you can like my stuff when you write like this.
seriously.
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aah;; Note taken, thank you (i suck at revising my poems :S)
But OH MY GOSH. I cannot know how you even can muster the bothering (not a word, but you get my drift) to even begin to comment upon my insignifcant writes. Yours are, are, are just like beautiful mosiacs and mine, merely a shard that has chipped off the side (if that at all). -
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psh, whatever.
you all tell me this but I feel like a dumb fifteen year old that is new to a website filled with like, AP's elites. (aanika, ryno, broken-colours, color me silent, And Hyetal, Adsaige, Ylova, mesmerized--x (can't remember how to do her old username), and many many more.) Which I long to be part of, but am not.
I, well I am a weird girl that writes about the lack of love just like everyone else.
just not nearly as good.
I write ramblings using objects and colors to express things, because I can't think of any other ways which everyone else supposedly can.
....D;
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i have to tell you
my friend who drew the pic loves your poem
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Oh really? Well i dont have a deviant art acount so tell him (whoever that may be) that his picture is really inspiring=]
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k
<3
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