Everybody's got a story
But so many go unnoticed
Just molecules in miles of sky
(I don't know why)
But on the canvas that I painted
The picture wasn't tainted
With melancholy shades of brown
(Don't let me down)
CH - So draw me a design that only you see
A masterpiece of time to show you love me
The colors of our lives
They'll swirl around you
Making arcs in the sky
Now that I've found you
They'll never fade away...
I see the gold in your eyes
The colors of a sunrise
And I just wanna tell the world
(That I'm your girl)
So fill me with your rainbows
'Cause that is how my heart knows
The nuances of shade and tone
(How I've grown)
CH - So the painter takes his heart but for to raise it
He creates a work of art, and he displays it
The colors of our lives
They'll swirl around you
Making arcs in the sky
Now that I've found you
They'll never fade away...
Author notes
c i r q u e
d u
s o l e i l
A contest entry
- Loves Delight by karma-n-peace.
1100 points, ended October 7, 13 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Show Me What You've Got! by SpeakLove93.
600 points, ended May 5, 84 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - I want you to love me; [inviteonly] by ChinaDollTravesty.
900 points, ended October 26, 105 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Lyrics. by ChinaDollTravesty.
600 points, ends November 17, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 22 of 22
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I loved this. I had to read over a couple parts cause they really spoke to me.
thanks for entering and good luck -
This was beautiful. There were a few spots that made me have to double read because I liked it so much. Good job. :] I was a little confused on the last CH stanza. The words didn't flow as well as the rest of the poem. I enjoyed this.
Thanks for entering and good luck in the contest :]
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This was well written. Although I wasn't fond of the syllable counts because you chose rhyme I felt that you can fix this is some areas. That you very much for your entry and I wish the best of luck to you
<3Damien -
you are very talented, this was really well done... thanks for entering, keep up the great work.. good luck
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Thanks for entering!
Alrighty... the first thing I notice is a lack of punctuation. Believe me when I tell you that punctuation is your friend!
Secondly, the brackets work well, and I love that they fit into the rhyme scheme. Well done!
Also, I don't think the CH - is necessary at the beginning of your chorus. The fact that its layout is different should be enough of an indication
Overall, I think this is a beautiful song, and I really enjoyed the read!
Thankyou so much for entering, and I wish you the best of luck!
Maria
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This is wonderful, even as a poem. It is so sincere and beautiful. The style is unique, which shows that you are growing not only as a writer, but as an artist of sorts. Great job and good luck.
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This is beautiful. Goodlick in my contest.
~XoXo Mollipop
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It's a great poem really nice indeed.. It's just so amazing and the background is just soo nice.. Good luck in all the contests.
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This was awesome I really thought that this is a great song. Love the lyrics.
The Positives:
Wonderful I thought it was chalked full of great imagery.
The Negatives:
Nothing that I see great job
My Favorite Part:
I see the gold in your eyes
The colors of a sunrise
And I just wanna tell the world
(That I'm your girl)
So fill me with your rainbows
'Cause that is how my heart knows
The nuances of shade and tone
(How I've grown)
I really loved this bit here!
Overall:
I give this an 8/10 you did great. I hope to see you in my future contests thanks so much for entering.
~*~Apathetic Poison~*~ -
Beautifully written piece!
Fantastic job here, great flow and imagery throughout.
Bravo!!!
♥ Kate -
Amazingly!
This is an amazing piece! I love it! I would love to hear this with some music to it. It could become very catchy. Your words are lovely and they paint an amazing picture in the mind. Nic job and thank you for entering! -
Very beautifully crafted piece.
Thanks so much for sharing
your wonderful thoughts.
& best of luck -
I'm sorry. i don't really like it. Good meaning and good description of words. But it's not what I'm looking for. What I'm looking for flows great and has a strong meaning. Thanks for entering.
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nice poem thank you
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Thanks, I like it now that I can see it!
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Well, I'm sure it would be a nice poem from what I could see.. Well I couldn't see the whole thing.. Best of luck
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sorry about that...I changed the background
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Nice song. "Our lives" may be too broad a topic to pin a color to, but you have made a lovely try at it. I like the background, although it makes it hard to read the text. Black text would be easier to read. Thanks for the entry.
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Great song! I actually would listen to this. So many people post lyrics and I'm just kind of unimpressed with most of them, but this is awesome! Good luck in the contest and perhaps one day we'll hear this on the airwaves? -Liz
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I was going to offer the same advice about the text but I see that you already tried so no matter.
This is beautiful, and written with perfect form and rhyme.
I love the imagery!
Thank you for sharing this with me, it is wonderful and written by a talented hand. -
A lovely poem, heartfelt and warm. I would suggest a darker text as the words tend to fade into the white swirls of the background.
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lol thank you...I tried with the darker text, the system won't let me!!
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