The emptiness you left
wrecks me,
but your loveless presence
would be my undoing.
Go then, never return:
I cannot bear
your dead eyes, cold hands -
better empty than undone.
Author notes
I'm not satisfied with this. I have a feeling it's hopelessly cliché. But if you have any suggestions for betterment, don't hesitate.
Comments
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P.S.
See?! You need to post more in English seeing how popular this was.
I told ya.
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I think I agree with Yemassee, though it is much easier said than done. To "romper," and part ways as referred to in your poem takes great strength and braveness. We cower in pain, clutching desperately to the shreds as if they're the only thing that keeps us anchored... so afraid to let go... or at least that is my personal opinion. But like Yemassee said, the healing cannot begin until we do let go. Mentally, I see this fact. But the truth is that my heart still doesn't see it.... Matters of the heart are so much more complex than matters of the mind.
I can't think of anything to change - the expression is bare and poignant, perfectly suited to the "theme" and "cliche" did not really come to mind as I read it. Perhaps the feeling is cliche, but your words are not.
Un abrazo muy fuerte - estoy contigo en el alma!
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Well I've made that kind of decision before and it was better for me to be wrecked than to feel that loveless presence everyday. You do hold on as long as you can, but eventually you realize...she/he is better gone, so that the healing can begin. We do not remain wrecks, we re-build, and we are good carpenters.
As I remember, it was the dead eyes, I've written of those eyes before, eyes once filled with love, which had become distant, alien, foreign.
Are we ever satisfied with what we write? I'm not. I bet you aren't either. It's one of the things that keeps us writing...in hopes of perfecting the art. A sisyphean task.
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It IS better to let go. Only then, as you so rightly said, can the healing and rebuilding begin. But it's a hard decision to make.
Nope, I'm not satisfied ... but I hope I won't ever stop trying. Thanks for the encouragement! -
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Oh, and thanks for writing an English poem.
Nope, me either, I keep writing stuff in hopes of perfecting it...it's never going to happen but that is ok, the trying is fun.
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Some things just cannot be held on to forever.
Somethings have to be let go of, no matter how painful the decision.
Sometimes it feels like "Do I stay in the burning build, or jump 50 stories up ?"
(though jumping may prove to be more merciful than sticking around with the fire...hell, you might even live by odd chance luck).
By the way, not only is being human clichéd, but so is EVERYTHING we do, as everything has been a bazillion and four times over, long before we were ever born.
Nothing is new.
Also, great write.
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"That which has been is what will be,
That which is done is what will be done,
And there is nothing new under the sun"
Thus said the Preacher!
Thanks for your kind applause. -
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For once, I would agree with the preacher, HA!
Your welcomed, and thanks for going english this time, im good at the english
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this is very hurting...maybe I am cliche myself but honestly i don't care being one. it's hard to convey feelings without being one...I could say being human is being cliche...
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Thank you! I think you're right: being human is being cliché. I guess what I wanted was to express an unoriginal feeling in an original way
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yeah sigh...I also have the same dilemma on expressing how I feel...
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What to do .... !!
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