I have heard the muted cry of insatiable voices. In the waning days of winter I hear them under a crimson moon whispering influence into the wind. They beg for understanding and to tell their tale. They are the dead, and they speak through you and I.
"Oh, what was and what could have been," they say, and "Oh, the times and the tragedies, the conquests and the quiet end," they so wistfully reminisce, and of course they ask, "Why?"
I am a conduit in the night on the New York coast. The tide is low and the Atlantic calm. The twinkle of the moon dances like a million stars on the water's surface. As I sit on the boardwalk on a chilly bench and look out into the sparkling abyss I bring the dead to life so they can go back to sleep.
A contest entry
- crags, tides, and stars by unraveled.
400 points, ended March 15, 8 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - 50.000 points for drinking and writing [multiround prelims] by divebar.
610 points, ended May 19, 24 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What does it mean to you?
Comments
1 - 24 of 24
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I actually found that the thoughfulness of the first two paragraphs made the last paragraph more powerful and more meaningful. I agree with the others though, the home run was hit in the last part.
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i really like the last line. the rest of it is a little dry.
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This is just sooooo incredibly deliciosly good
thanks
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it's even better when you read it out loud.....
I truly enjoyed this poem....you did a great job
with the textures in the poem....i too could smell
the salty air...and feel an ocean breeze or perhaps
it was their spirit!
great job!
ears/Seattle
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that last stanza is what I call perfection. Great Job!
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this poem truly paints a great picture in my mind... i can even smell the salty air...
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There's great imagery in this, and it is definitely thought provoking. I can see why others have enjoyed this piece. Best of luck in the contest with it.
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I tend to avoid necromanicle pursuits for just this reason. Once the dead realize that they have a coduit to communicate through, it can be very hard to shut down. It has been said that dead men tell no tales, i would say that most of them have a tale and wish to tell it.
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we are the dead. the spirit of all ages is what flows into inspiration. criss crossing time and space so that up is down and down is up and the future is now as well as the past.
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This was really original! =] I love some of the words you used and the way you described things, brillant! "I bring the dead to life so they can go back to sleep." < that line reminds me of one of my favorite songs . Amazing write
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which song? id like tlo hear it!
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the song is 'theres no sympathy for the dead' by escape the fate. :]] just reminds me of this poem. xD
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original
Interesting I need some more time to ponder this.
By the way, which boardwalk? -
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thank you
ponder away. the long beach, ny boardwalk are we neighbors?
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AMAZING!
I loved it!! Great imagination!
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"The twinkle of the moon dances like a million stars on the water's surface. This is really good. I like it.
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Wonderful imagery...
I've felt the presence of such voices in the winter...what a powerful thing to write about! You've captured what I couldn't.
Great job...
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wow this was fantastic. almos scary but so descriptive and beautiful. mervelously done. thank you for writing.
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yo
yo this sounds like old school poetry like real poetry i can see that scene cold winter day sittin on one of the benches at the boardwalk lookin out at the water it reminds me of sittin there on a cold morning and the seats all covered in water from condensation i like how you mentioned new york that was cool gotts give it props the talking dead that was good i liked that shit. yo that dude was right get your shit published man make some money off this -
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thanks man i get lots of inspiration on the boardwalk.
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Very poetic man, thats very good. you're an insane writer bro. I would considered publishing a book of poems or something
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thanks man that means a lot. i am really looking into that actually but you give me confidence thanks again.
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It's funny, I had a feeling this was going to be edited so I held comments back
This is really captivating... love the title and all the imagery. The first paragraph feels like the images are clumped too tightly, I'm not sure exactly how but I feel like there could have been more filler to give the last line more impact.
Last line is a beauty, thank you for entering
-cassidy
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i absolutely agreed with you. the first paragraph needed to breathe and the last one had lots of air so i took one line from the bottom and put it up top. thank you ;P
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